My second baby was born at seven months old. While I was not able to carry him close to my heart at the hospital like it is done in certain places (kangaroo care), I, nevertheless, immediately used a wrap baby carrier once I was back home. Wraps with a bit of stretch are perfect for a newborn and easy to use. Organic cotton is even better, to avoid exposing our premature baby to toxic chemicals used in fabric dyes. I used the Wrapsody baby carriers with great satisfaction.
My friend, my sister, you can start to learn how to tie a wrap baby carrier with a doll or a teddy bear. Then, it will be such a delight to feel your precious baby close to your heart. The benefits of babywearing for a premature baby are numerous. The premature baby carried in a wrap will be able to better regulate his body temperature, to feel the vocal cords of the person carrying her and, most of all, his/her heart beat.
I am confronted to a choice: either fall into the nice arms of a kind man now, or remain on a path of purity while waiting to meet a truly available worthy man. Indeed, I could feel my heart beat faster here in Djerba, Tunisia. However, being in love with someone here cannot lead to a long-term project because we will not be in the same country. Moreover, I got the confirmation than age is of no importance. What matters if how far we are on the path of life, what experiences we had, how we gained self-awareness. Life makes us discover who we truly are when we have joy and sorrow. Life makes us become aware of our core values, of our dreams and our mission on this earth. I feel that the Tunisian man for who my heart beat much faster these past days has not truly discovered yet who he is and who he wants to become. Yet staying on the path of solitude requires effort. I choose to remain on a lonely path to attract a man with whom I can build something. I am convinced that it is the best way to happiness and a healthy loving relationship. My friend, my sister, I will keep in touch about the evolution of my situation to find out if this the aforementioned statements are true.
I want my children to avoid the poverty mindset. I want them to live in abundance. I do my best to make them understand that I cannot and do not want to buy everything they fancy. I explain to them that as a single mother, I belong to the most economically fragile people. I want them to realize how lucky they are, to have a roof over their head and something to eat every day. Traveling is very helpful to show them that some children are less fortunate than them, while others are much wealthier.
I want to place the gratitude mindset at the heart of their education. I teach them that being grateful for what we have today brings even more of what we currently have. Complaining and comparing ourselves to others does not bring any good.
On a practical level, if we are in a store when I cannot buy the thing they want, I tell them that I refuse “to protect our wealth”, not because I cannot afford it. It is only a change of vocabulary. However, I am convinced that using positive terms is very helpful.
Moreover, I want them to have a good education about financial matters. Money is not a taboo subject. Having money and being financially savvy are ways to become financially independent, and to help even more people around us. I show them the excel spreadsheet I use whenever I spend or I get money. I give ten euros to my daughter since her tenth birthday. The aim is for her to learn how to manage a budget. The goal of being a financially independent person is very important for me because it was not my case for a long time. When I was trapped into an abusive relationship, I wanted desperately to leave. However, I thought I would end up in the streets, unable to meet the needs of my baby daughter by myself. Therefore, I remained in an abusive relationship which damaged me a lot. Nevertheless, being homeless in the street with my baby was just a thought. I chose to believe such thought. Such a thought led me to despair and a lot of pain. Today, I learned my lesson. I do not believe my thoughts when they relate to lack. I focus on abundance. I focus on working as best as possible to be able to live from what I create.
Since I committed to publish two videos and blog articles daily, my life has changed. IT is a commitment I made for you as well as for myself. In doing so, I deepened my capacity to self reflect, to have more self-awareness and to know myself better. Both my videos and blog articles are like a journal, which helps me to organize my thoughts and get clearer about the vision I have for my life. Moreover, I am delighted when I watch older videos, reminiscing the place they were recorded in and the state of mind I was in. IT brings me joy and a very unique sensation: being aware of how far I have come. I vividly encourage you, my friend, my sister, to start a journal, a blog or a youtube channel, even by leaving the videos private. In so doing, we will apply the socratic teaching of “Know yourself first“.
I need to admire the person for whom I work. I was disappointed when one of my bosses proudly told me how he managed to cut a whole waiting line at the airport. Such waiting line was full of people who also woke up at 5 in the morning and had been waiting for one hour, sometimes with children. How could he grant himself the right to place himself in front of them? Nevertheless, I do have the right to judge his behavior. He has his reasons and his own life path. However, I choose not to replicate his behavior as much as I decided not to replicate my mother aggressive manners (my mother whom I love dearly but who has a different set of values than I have). Acting in harmony with one’s values is what allows me to feel good about myself, to feel good with myself. Refusing to judge others even when I do not adhere to their behavior is a first step. If I do not approve the behavior of my former’s boss, it does not mean that I judge him as a bad person. He only has different values, nor inferior nor superior to mine. Now I deliberately choose to surround myself with people who share my values. Then can I feel in integrity and in alignment with my essence.
My friend, my sister, may we be fully aware of our values and act according to them even when we could have all the reasons to give them up. I am also lied to and subject to injustices sometimes. The last time it happened, I chose to hang on to love and kindness. At the end of the day, I did a bit of grocery shopping at the local organic food store. I forgot two bottles of vegan milk I just bought. I had walked over two hundred yards when one of the store’s employee managed to reach me to give me the two bottles. How kind and what a blessing. There is so much kind people in the world. May we have the eyes and the heart to see them around us. May we remain in kindness to attract them into our life, even when the circumstances are tempting us to give up our values.
I want to break the myth of the first baby who takes hours to come to our world, after a difficult and painful long labor, leaving the mother totally exhausted. I am not the only one to have enjoyed an easy labor. I did my best to prepare for a home birth, reading about it and hiring an independent midwife. I had no idea how long my labor would be. What a beautiful surprise to have given birth within a matter of few hours! I started having very intense contractions around 9 pm and my amazing baby daughter was born at one in the morning. I am grateful for both the strong raspberry leaves herbal tea I drank throughout the pregnancy and for the inflatable birthing pool I used. My friend, my sister, it is definitely possible to give birth at home, within hours, without an epidural, without atrocious pain and without episiotomy.
Please find below an extract from my midwife’s notes about the day my baby daughter was born:
- early labor since morning
- irregular contractions
- regular since 8pm
- Claire is walking around at 9:30pm
- at 11pm when midwife arrives: Claire is active and mobile, puttering around in the flat, drinking raspberry leaf tea, squatting during strong contractions which come every 3 minutes
- emotional state is very well
- snacking and drinking plenty of water
- no vomiting
- at 11:30pm contractions every 60 seconds
- at 23:30pm: Claire in the shower, helps with contractions, quietly vocalising through these, sometimes singing and keeping nice and relaxed
- midnight: strong contractions, Claire is moving around the flat coping well, can feel baby moving
- contractions strong and long, membrane still intact
- having sips of apple juice
- 0:30am: pushing during most contractions now, can feel baby moving
- vacalising, labor intense
- 1am: Claire feels like being sick, contractions very powerful, feels afraid, wants to stop, isnt pushing anymore – midwife talks about fear being normal and that Claire is doing it anyway
- Claire is very quiet and poised
- 1:20am: birth! beautiful and quiet greeting, Claire scooped her baby, we haven’t seen yet if it’s a boy or a girl
- 1:25am: baby to breast, cord still pulsing
- 1:30am: out of the pool and in bed, nursing baby, blood loss approximately 200 ml, Claire lying on side
- 2am: still nursing, cord still pulsing
- 236am: birthed placenta
- 2:50am: cord clamped and cut by Claire
- 3am: vaginal exam by midwife: labial grazes, nothing requires stitches
- 3:45am: resting and having a snack
- 4:30am: midwife leaves
The deadly weapon of narcissistic men and abusers of all kind is denial. They attack when we least expect it, they hurt and damage us. Then, when it is so hurtful we stand in stupor in front of them, they deny reality. Pure denial. What happened did not happen and affirming it has means we are crazy. The perpetrator with whom I lived also used a variation of denial which is minimization. If I had the courage to speak against his violent behavior, he would call me a hysterical woman. Once again and as always, my friend, my sister, may we trust our intuition.