Humiliation is dangerous because it always backlashes badly at some point.
Some research (for eg the French philosopher Gaspard Koenig) describes a universal income, without any conditions. The anguish of poverty disappears. There would be no humiliating moments begging social services for financial aids.
I also remember reading a book by Jacques Attali in which he advocates never using humiliation in diplomatic international relations. However tempting that may be, humiliating the opposite party is never a good bet.
I also have in my head the image of a man being taken in front of the judge because he pointed a gun at a doorman’s face. He had just been refused entry to a nightclub. He replied to the judge that he had been humiliated by the doorman. It was, in his mind, the justification of his act.
I felt very humiliated by several events. However, I make my best not to stay in that feeling. The reason is simple. Whoever humiliates you is saying much about him/her, not about you. It is not personal.
It took me years to understand what happened to me, accept it and turn it into something useful for others.
I knew it and felt it for a long time: my mother is a narcissist. In our world, it is very bad to criticize our own mother and I am constantly repeating that I do love her deeply. However, I understood that she was unable to love me and will never do because she is a narcissist.
After I escaped a very abusing relationship, I read many books about domestic violence and abuse. By studying narcissism, I rapidly and sadly discovered similarities between the man who abused me and my mother’s behavior. For instance, my mother is so much fulfilled when I am in pain or have troubles. She likes showering me with gifts at the most inappropriate moment, for e.g. right after a non-resolved conflict/discussion, or in an excessive manner to trigger guilt in me and make sure that from the outside she seems the generous person. One of the most troubling fact I had to acknowledge, after so many close people pointed it to me, is that she is jealous of me. She is envious and competes with me for the attention of my father for instance. In this point, she won a long time ago. I was told as a child that my mother was like a little girl, so it was better for me to swallow it up.
She is very gifted at playing the permanent victim. She cannot accept any criticism and will not hesitate to use suicide threats with those who dare not agree with her.
I stopped being a mother to my mother recently. I have women in my life who are around 60 years old and I consider them as mothers. It is very soothing for me to realize how much I love my daughter, how much I want her to be prettier than me, more intelligent, more successful and more everything.
It is essential for us, daughters of narcissistic mothers, to discover that there was nothing wrong with us in the first place. Our mothers tried to convince us we were faulty, so they could have control over us. The weaker a person think she is, the easier it is to control her.
I stumbled across three amazing eye-openers videos with recovery advice for daughters of narcissistic mothers that I highly recommend:
You are the most sensational, happy and brilliant person I got the chance to meet.
I know it is not easy to always stay that positive, but know that this good energy shines from you and inspires all of us.
Thank you for this inspiration, thank you for your authenticity.
Keep shining, you have a bright future ahead of you.
All the best dear,
This message has been written by an angel I got the chance to work with for a few months. Then, he went back to Lebanon. I loved him, but his heart was still bleeding from a recent heartbreak so he was unavailable.
However, how can I be sad when such angelic words were written to me? How could I not share with the world and help my sisters out there?
He was the first person I told about the rape. I have a whole chapter about him in my book.
At 11 years old, I won a price for a piece of writing I did at school. I was gifted the book “Les étoiles cachees” (the hidden stars) by Régine Soszewicz. It is more than 20 years later than I published my first book (in French) Le noeud de la spirale. Our dreams are precious: may we keep them safe somewhere inside our head. One day an opportunity will allow us to manifest them.
My teeth are whiter since I started brushing them from time to time with super activated charcoal. If you are interested in holistic dental care, I highly recommend Nadine Artemis’ new book Renegate Beauty. She provides so much beneficial information about teeth care.
You are here sadness, hello, long time sister. You creep shamelessly into my life. Today you have the taste of the 90s. You make me listen to old songs from when I was ten years old. Most of these singers are very old or dead now. This is weird because crying actually feels good. I could not imagine how much pain I would feel. When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was help others. I was too desperate to be a good girl. You know sadness, I am not a good girl. I am very dark when I relish in these salty tears. I remember the past, how much I love these men I never had any relationship with. Love from afar. It is so much safer, isn’t it? The irony is that by trying to prevent the pain, I experienced the death of my heart. But I love you sadness, you are part of me. You tear me apart and then you leave. I feel so renewed and happy when you leave. My heart is so much bigger now, thanks to the very injury you created in it. You see, everything is upside down, isn’t it? I love you sadness, because I could not be the person I am today without you. I sometimes feel so much moved by beauty that I have tears in my eyes. Who could have thought that beauty would moved me like that? It is thanks to you sadness that I am like that today. I love beauty, I love purity and I love grace. Bye bye sadness. I feel better now.
We have been hurt, it is unfair, we did not deserve it. I know. But let’s keep on moving regardless. The past does not define who we are and who we can become. Because we can become whoever we decide to become. No excuses.
Karyn Calabrese was molested by several of her step fathers when she was a child. Hearing her really hit something in me because I was surrounded for a long time by a person who took her difficult childhood as an excuse for not being happy as an adult, although she had love around her. She could not see the love, because she was focused on the “poor me” mentality. My friend, my sister, being a victim is a prison.
Look where Karyn Calabrese is now! She has a wellness center and changes lives of so many people. I am so inspired by her. Please visit gorgeous Karyn Calabrese’s website here
Eating cabbage, broccoli or cauliflower raw is possible. The secret is to let it marinate for 3 days in a mix of celtic sea salt, water and lemon juice. Marinating cruciferous vegetables allow them to become softer and much more easily digestible. For this recipe, I used one head of purple cauliflower, 4 “bergamot” lemons (very sweet), one teaspoon of sea salt and a pinch of cayenne pepper. Spices are good in winter because they are very warming.
I had to face my own decision. I had to cultivate integrity and first of all, with myself. I had to cancel my job interview. I did not really want to accept this job, I did not want to become a grey sad person stuck in a building. Going there out of politeness was not going to cut it. I had to assume my lifestyle decision: making the most of my children before they are all grown up and taking care of my health.