I got my degree as a business lawyer by going back to college, taking care of my two children alone. I received a one-word sms from my mother when I announced I graduated. I share my project of living abroad with my parents and I receive doubts, almost mockeries and lots of fear.
I do not have the time for this anymore. The opinion of others belongs to them. Why do I still feel attached to the judgement, mostly negative, of my parents, while so many people share their admiration for me, as well as love and support? I do not have the right to sabotage my life in such a way when I could instead help others by sharing my experience, whether it was positive (a blessing) or negative (a lesson). I do not have the right to fall in the downward spiral of negativity when I have two amazing children who do their best to understand and apply everything I teach them.
I choose to go in the eye of the storm of pain and grief. My mum also tried to seek for her parents’ approval, for her whole life but to not avail. She has the extraordinary blessing of having my dad’s support, love and integrity. However, she does not seem to make the most of it and savor it, because she is so preoccupied with the past, what she wanted to receive from her parents but never had. This has to be a lesson for me.
If I am still single after all these years, it is because I need to cleanse myself from all this grief, in order to make savor the presence of a worthy man in my life. So, today, I choose differently. I choose to focus on my projects and my work. I do not have time to believe some of my thoughts which are “you need to gain your parents’ approval to feel good about yourself”. I see pictures of me when I was a kid and feel like giving this little girl a big warm hug. This little girl was so generous and kind, and she tried, to no avail, to please her mother.