1. Ask your child for an effort, ask for something to be done,
2. Describe what the child has decided to do, describe how your kid did the requested action or chose not to do it, and
3. Describe the consequences the child now faces according to his choice: had he chose to behave like a baby, I will not be able to entrust him with as many responsabilities.
My goal is to never shame my children. I do my best to focus on the behavior they choose to display. Their worth cannot be altered, they cannot be bad but only choose bad behavior sometimes.