I love my mother. However, I am unable to wrap my head around her behavior. I have come to accept that I shall spend my life expecting a sign from her that I am good enough, even though such sign will never come.
Instead of sadness, this situation brings me motivation to be even more loving towards my children. I am proud of myself when I have patience and understanding for my children.
Today I wish to extend my compassion to us all who had a childhood like the Sahara desert. A childhood of loneliness and feeling unworthy.
I want to wrap my arms around the child I was. I want to say to her that she is loveable, beautiful, smart and deserves the very best of life. I feel the tears in my eyes as I look at this child whispering to her that freedom and abundance are her birth rights.
Lots of love sister. You are a human being. You deserve to love and be loved.
My beloved daughter was asking me why I deployed so much efforts into becoming a lawyer and then chose to be a translator instead.
I replied that my diploma is for ever. I was free to become a lawyer any time in the future with my hard-won diploma.
Moreover, immersing myself into arduous studies made me focused entirely on law, fiscal law, international private law, financial law, banking law, company law, everything to be far from the abuse endured the years before.
I do not wish to bury my head in the sand to forget what happened. My 4 years of law studies have been a pause, the necessary step before rebuilding my life.
Today I can look what happened in the eye, without being taken over by sadness nor regrets.
Have you ever experienced an internet detox? No internet for 2 weeks? Internet is due to be set up in my new home within the next couple of days. Truly, I cannot wait to connect with my lovely online world, virtual maybe, but so fulfilling.
What happened in the past that hurt us so much that we are reliving that event again and again everytime we experience a break-up?
Again, by identifying the buried trauma, we can let it go, free ourselves from it and grow happier and healthier.
4. What if repeating a smart mantra could help coming out of the intense sadness brought by the loss of a partner?
A mantra is a kind of intelligent alchemy. It has the power to transform our inner state.
Repeating a mantra means we connect with our adult self, the one who is resourceful and wise.
A positive mantra brings good vibes into our life. It supports a healthy intention. It allows us to stop acting like the terrified child who is inside us and is so frightened that she makes us act in a crazy way. We can reassure this child with a soothing mantra.
My favorite mantra at the moment is: “I have everything I need and more”.
5. A concious breakup means we take back our personal power instead of blaming and criticizing our ex.
Instead of taking on the victim role, we have the power to choose differently. We can look for the mistakes we made in the relationship. We can grow from there, promising not to repeat them in the future.
If we are able to identify where we misjudged situations, we can build a healthier relationship the next time.
In my book, The Knot in the Spiral, I share how I deeply loved a man for 13 years. The question for me would be: “Why did I choose to fall in love with a man who was unavailable and for such a long period of time?”
6. To forgive ourselves is part of the process of positive uncoupling and freedom. May we forgive ourselves first, before forgiving our ex.
I make a concious effort to forgive myself for having misused positive thinking, hoping the abuser would change and minimizing the abuse by focusing on the good sides of my existence (like having hot water at the tap).
The aim is not to make the past better-looking than it was nor to stay in the past.
On the contrary, honoring the time spent together and the good times, despite the bad ones, is the key to close this chapter of our life with dignity and intelligence.
Each of us is then free and lighter to create a brighter future.
8. Acting with love when breaking up from someone does not mean that abuse is not a reality. If this is the case, the goal to keep in mind is to ensure safety first.
I wish that all this positive thinking applied to divorce is not another way for manipulative people to keep their victim under control. I described in my book The Knot in the Spiral how talented actors they are.
9. What is true love? What is the purest form of love? Why did Aristotle put friendship above erotic love? Who is this man who I called an “angel” in my book The Knot in the Spiral?
Pure love means wishing the other person all the happiness in the world. Without expecting anything in return. What if we could separate from someone wishing them so much happiness that we accept it if we are not part of their future life?
If we are the one being left, I believe such pure good wishes can support healing our broken heart.