1. Conscious uncoupling is a real treat for personal development lovers, even if we are not currently breaking up with a partner.
2. Katherine Woodward Thomas’ book about parting ways in a loving manner is full of practical and useful tips.
For instance, I love her advice as regard to feeling overwhelmed by a separation.
Sometimes, having a broken heart means we behave in an irrational and erratic way.
What is the solution to come back to our wise and usual self? By identifying our emotions.
Giving a name to the feelings which overwhelm us brings awareness. This is the first step to center ourselves again.
3. Concious uncoupling also means searching inside of ourselves for the original core wound.
What happened in the past that hurt us so much that we are reliving that event again and again everytime we experience a break-up?
Again, by identifying the buried trauma, we can let it go, free ourselves from it and grow happier and healthier.
4. What if repeating a smart mantra could help coming out of the intense sadness brought by the loss of a partner?
A mantra is a kind of intelligent alchemy. It has the power to transform our inner state.
Repeating a mantra means we connect with our adult self, the one who is resourceful and wise.
A positive mantra brings good vibes into our life. It supports a healthy intention. It allows us to stop acting like the terrified child who is inside us and is so frightened that she makes us act in a crazy way. We can reassure this child with a soothing mantra.
My favorite mantra at the moment is: “I have everything I need and more”.
5. A concious breakup means we take back our personal power instead of blaming and criticizing our ex.
Instead of taking on the victim role, we have the power to choose differently. We can look for the mistakes we made in the relationship. We can grow from there, promising not to repeat them in the future.
If we are able to identify where we misjudged situations, we can build a healthier relationship the next time.
In my book, The Knot in the Spiral, I share how I deeply loved a man for 13 years. The question for me would be: “Why did I choose to fall in love with a man who was unavailable and for such a long period of time?”
6. To forgive ourselves is part of the process of positive uncoupling and freedom. May we forgive ourselves first, before forgiving our ex.
I make a concious effort to forgive myself for having misused positive thinking, hoping the abuser would change and minimizing the abuse by focusing on the good sides of my existence (like having hot water at the tap).
7. Concious uncoupling is a book which invites us to honor the time spent with our ex.
The aim is not to make the past better-looking than it was nor to stay in the past.
On the contrary, honoring the time spent together and the good times, despite the bad ones, is the key to close this chapter of our life with dignity and intelligence.
Each of us is then free and lighter to create a brighter future.
8. Acting with love when breaking up from someone does not mean that abuse is not a reality. If this is the case, the goal to keep in mind is to ensure safety first.
I wish that all this positive thinking applied to divorce is not another way for manipulative people to keep their victim under control. I described in my book The Knot in the Spiral how talented actors they are.
9. What is true love? What is the purest form of love? Why did Aristotle put friendship above erotic love? Who is this man who I called an “angel” in my book The Knot in the Spiral?
Pure love means wishing the other person all the happiness in the world. Without expecting anything in return. What if we could separate from someone wishing them so much happiness that we accept it if we are not part of their future life?
If we are the one being left, I believe such pure good wishes can support healing our broken heart.
10. Concious uncoupling is a book to make us grow in wisdom, but also in abundance.
May we not be fooled by long-lasting, costly and uncertain legal proceedings. We have the power to leave a relationship without such drama.