How to live with the wound of feeling #rejected or I cannot understand why it happened

How to live with the wound of feeling #rejected or I cannot understand why it happened

What if our narcissistic parent consider us like a doll? As if our reality was not valid? As if we were broken and needed some fixing?

Thanks to the great Teal Swan I understood what gaslighting is. I still do not understand why it happened to me but I feel so much better with this awareness.

How to create a video #thumbnail for youtube? beginner level

How to create a video #thumbnail for youtube? beginner level

I do my very best, improving myself as I go.

This also goes for the behind the scenes of recording youtube videos. I was asked by a viewer how to create images for the youtube videos she started to create.

Here is my little how-to if, like me, you are not a graphic designer but want to do your best for your audience.

First I take a picture of myself because I like to show that there is a human being behind the videos I record. Then, I transfer this photo from my phone to my computer. I make it better-looking using the magic wand in the Microsoft photo viewer software.

After that, I reduce the size of my photo to 1240 by 760 pixels in Microsoft Paint.

Lastly, I choose a nice photo for the background of my thumbnail on Pixabay because their photos are free to use without copyright. I copy and paste such photo on a rectangle in Paint 3D. Then, I copy and paste the photo of my face, using the automatic selection tool in Paint 3D so that only my face is selected, not the background of the original photo.

I save it on jpeg and use it on my website clairesamuel.com, on youtube and also on Instagram.

 

 

Open hearted confessions or being true and #authentic but not always glamorous

Open hearted confessions or being true and #authentic but not always glamorous

We are the same

My friend my sister, don’t you think you are below me in some ways because you are still trapped into an abusive relationship while I escaped one almost 10 years ago now.

Remember that I did not run away to protect myself but to avoid my baby boy getting hurt. I am not brave. I did what I could.

The day he turned one year old, I had baked a cake with one candle on it and my three-year-old daughter wore a nice dress for her brother’s big day. However, the father slammed the front door saying he would not attend the birthday of someone who “f***** up” his life from the day he was born. This is beyond experiencing pain. The feeling was like blood in my mouth and my whole body was crying.

Today I also still feel guilty even though I know it is not my fault for some trauma my son experienced a few years ago while I was working. I still feel pain so excruciating it feels like my body is gonna be cut in half. Because my son says that he is trying not to fall asleep so he does not get nightmares. He loves to stay awake so he can control his mind and thinks beautiful things.

You helped me

When I shared my vulnerability on IG stories, you sent me a heart. I know you. It was not a simple heart because we built a relationship over the internet, doing our best to keep you safe because you cannot escape for the moment.

Know that in this moment you gave me strength. The strength to look at my flaws and love me anyway. The strength to look at my puffy eyes and big belly because I eat too much when I am sad.

The parts of us which need light

We all have shadows to work on. For some of us, it is judgement of others. For me, it is the opening of the heart. My heart bleeds because some events happened and cut it sharply. However, my heart needed it because it was so closed.

I closed my heart when I was a child to avoid the pain of feeling lonely and broken. So light could not enter my heart anymore. This is why I was bulimic and this is why blood and tears were necessary to open it wide open. Ready to receive. Love. Abundance. Safety. Joy.

Miracles happen, small and big ones

If you are in a dark place like I was yesterday, unable to sleep and tossing around in my bed, know that life also heals you. I was so happy my neighbor drove my children to school this morning, because it was raining so much.

I am happy because my son is preparing a surprise birthday for one of his friend at school who brought little gifts from Saudi Arabia. I love how I can raise open-minded children who believe it is a value to speak to strangers.

I am relieved because I can eventually earn money to support my family after very long months of working for free. I started my website three years ago and I know I could not expect to make a living out of it right away. Teaching French on Preply saved me and gave me the strength to continue my work for you my friend my sister.

I am immensely grateful when someone buys my book. I want you to know that it is possible for you too. Always. In one way of another, you can make it happen my friend my sister.

Can I make a #smoothie with #celery? Yes indeed!

Can I make a #smoothie with #celery? Yes indeed!

Today my easy peasy green smoothie is a fantastic blend of bananas with celery leaves and water.

I added a big scoop of Sunwarrior vanilla protein powder (from the online store Raw Living) and about three tablespoons of gorgeous cacao nibs. So good!

Amazing food brings pleasure to the senses and is one way of practicing self-care. In the end, the little things add up and allow us to rebuild our life my friend my sister.

RawLiving Raw Living superfood store

 

 

 

What is the most traumatic when we leave a toxic relationship? #stayorleave

What is the most traumatic when we leave a toxic relationship? #stayorleave

I did not expect that. I thought that leaving an abusive relationship was hard enough. I was unaware of the hurdles I would have to face after leaving hell.

I mustered all my courage to talk about what happened, but I was not supported. Worse, I had the feeling that people in charge of protecting citizens were actually doubting my words. This was such a shock.

While I was aware that the abuser was thrilled to destroy me, I had never expected that I would be so abandoned after leaving the toxic relationship.

I am not going to advise you to stay with a perpetrator of course. I want to give you the strength of knowing that it is possible to be mocked or not believed even when you do the most difficult thing in the world after leaving the abuse: talking about it.

 

Raw Living #unboxing number 5 or the deliciousness of super foods

Raw Living #unboxing number 5 or the deliciousness of super foods

Today in my Raw Living order there are amazing organic raw products such as:

  • Chocolate hearts,
  • Shelled hemp seeds,
  • Raw nori sheets,
  • Mushrooms blend,
  • Hemp protein power,
  • Protein powder from Sunwarrior,
  • Cacao nibs in a big bag of 5 kilos.

The quality is top notch while the shipping is fast and reliable. Thank you Raw Living Team for making me such a happy customer for over a decade!

 

RawLiving Raw Living superfood store

Kate Magic is the founder of my favorite online store Raw Living and the author of helpful recipe books with delicious raw vegan dishes:

Raw Living

Raw Magic: Superfoods for Superpeople

Eat Smart Eat Raw

Raw Magic: Recipes for the Revolution

Of a fierce need to be #useful or practicing self-care first and foremost

Of a fierce need to be #useful or practicing self-care first and foremost

I always wanted to be useful, as if my life would have no worth if I could not help someone else.

Today I choose to help people but not at the detriment of my well-being.

Making self-care and self-love a priority is actually a good way to be helpful to others my friend my sister.

 

 

To do a #visionboard or not? #manifestation

To do a #visionboard or not? #manifestation

These past years I did visionboards each January. I used to select one big board in a single color, usually like a chakra. I had the orange board in 2015 (sacral chakra), then the yellow one (personal power) and the green one (heart chakra).

However this year 2019 I do a vision word instead of a vision board. I know that the universe conspires to give me the best, to the point that I cannot even fathom what good is coming.

I am open to all the abundance and beautiful love coming my way.

 

 

 

How much time does it take to record #youtube #videos? my experience of daily uploading

How much time does it take to record #youtube #videos? my experience of daily uploading

Every day I spend at least three hours to:

  • record a video for youtube in English and then the same one in French,
  • add a photo of my book The Knot in the Spiral at the end of it,
  • upload it on youtube and on my website clairesamuel.com,
  • write the associated article, and
  • create a good thumbnail for both the video and article.

I do not want you to feel overwhelmed by the amount of time I spend creating. I could do less if I was not doing everything in both languages. Alternatively, you could do more sophisticated edits for your videos and graphics than I do. My goal is to empower you to start something, anything. We have to start somewhere. It may not be nor look perfect, but it is. And this is the goal. Start. Create. Improve as you go my friend my sister.

Reflecting on the year 2018 and intentions for 2019 #myownmonth

Reflecting on the year 2018 and intentions for 2019 #myownmonth

What did 2018 mean for you my friend my sister? Justine from the French Blog d’une partageuse launched a funny little challenge: reflecting on the past year then month. Let’s do it! Thank you Justine, I am game!

As regard to love

I have been single for 8 years now. I heard that Jannecke Øinæs from Wisdom from North who I adore has also been alone for the same amount of time and it brought me comfort.

I do not feel isolated however. I am aware that this special time is a transition which will birth a fantastic loving and fun relationship.

My heart was very alive in 2018. I left my friends in Paris to move to Africa. I am so thankful to have met an amazing and helpful neighbor here in Africa. I consider him as a second father. He is supportive and protective.

As regard to health

I felt a tremendous improvement by moving to Africa. The sun has magical properties. It makes me feel alive and vibrant. I could not stand the cold of Paris anymore nor the damaging air pollution.

As regard to work

I dedicated 2018 to my youtube channel Claire Samuel in English and my website Clairesamuel.com. I uploaded daily videos and wrote daily articles. It was a lot of work but. However it was very rewarding to connect to some women, who were kind enough to send me beautiful comments.

I am not ashamed of starting small. My English audience is less than the French one. Nevertheless, it is my duty to make my message available to more women by translating everything into English.

The end of 2018 marks the beginning of my French classes on Preply. I am a very happy tutor. One lady whose 6-year-old daughter takes classes with me said that she loved my teaching style and wanted to continue the weekly lessons for at least 2 years! They are in the States. I have nice students, children and adults, men and women, from all over the world. This is so enjoyable. It opens my mind even more. We are definitely one family. I can really feel that.

As regard to hobbies

I practice yoga daily. It is part of my morning routine with meditation.

The photo of the past 2018 year

It brings a memory of a quad trip I booked to please the kids. They loved it while I enjoyed the beautiful countryside scenery. I was stopping my quad so often to take photos!

Reflecting on the year 2018 and intentions for 2019 #myownmonth

I am grateful for my two children to have been able to understand the reasons we moved to Tunisia (to make it short the goal was improving our quality of life). I am aware of the sadness my son experienced when he had to say goodbye to his friends in Paris. I hope he is happy. I can see he is delighted that we rescued a puppy. It is the first time we ever have a dog! The puppy was beaten. He followed my son on a trail. He was only 2 months old, but is a very happy dog now.

Justine asked us a question about the past year:

What are you grateful for?

I am immensely grateful for the independence that working for myself online brings. The Internet changed my life.

I am so proud and over the moon to be the mother of two extraordinary children, my “children of the light”. Moreover, I am writing my second book so I am so grateful for this never-ending inspiration which fires me up every day.

I feel so happy that I have so much enthusiasm when I record live streams and videos on youtube and instagram @clairesamuelenglish.

What about 2019?

Well, 2019 is the year I can finally see the seeds I planted bloom in a meaningful way. The work I love to do brings me so much abundance I deserve that I am able to reach even more women around the world.

I see myself keeping my morning routine and my very healthy way of living. I see myself be the mother I want to be: patient, fun, loving and compassionate.