My son was born almost ten years ago. His birth shook my life like the most intense earthquake ever. First he was born premature and it was not expected at all. Then, I understood that the abuse I was experiencing was moving towards him as well. So I left everything to save his life.
I was terrified of being alone and I was alone. I was terrified of raising children by myself and here I was. I was terrified of the abuser and now that I left him, I thought he would find me and kill me. The pain mixed the fear turned me into a very strange human being. Everything I was feeling was so raw and vulnerable. I was absolutely terrified.
However what I did not realize at the time was that by choosing to leave, I had abandoned a violent and toxic life path which was leading me slowly but surely to death. I had chosen life instead! I was rebuilding my life! Finding a job, a place to rent and above all finding ways to clean my body from the past.
I became obsessed with purity and still am. I wanted my body to be cleansed from everything that happened. I discovered fasting and green juices. My body became stronger and more beautiful that it ever was, even before the kids.
I could never imagine a life like the one I enjoy now would ever be possible for me. You deserve it my friend my sister. Believe. In yourself. Everything is possible.