I don’t want to be a scruffy #mother! – Motherhood and Femininity Series Ep. 3

I don't want to be a scruffy #mother! - Motherhood and Femininity Series Ep. 3

I was invited for a first date. I had a gorgeous dress is powder pink. I even remember the café in the north of Paris, with a golden statue and magnificent stairs.

I thought I was so in love with this man, until he said to me: “I want you to be the mother of my children“. Ouch. A mother? Why not a wife first? A woman? Sensual and beautiful before being nurturing and soothing for children?

I never got the flame back for him. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I missed something. I do not think so at all anymore. Everything which is meant to be for me is drawn to me anyway, as the great @nataliethebeliever says on Instagram.

My mistake was to think I was not enough as a woman. My error was to think my value as a human being would be higher was I to be a mother.

A few years afterwards, it was so easy for the abuser to convince me that I would be a better person if I had children.

Today I have two amazing children and I don’t feel sorrow anymore about what happened.

However, I refuse to be a scruffy mother. I always wanted to be appreciated as a woman and still wish to experience this soon.

The crazy hectic life attached to my situation as a working mother raising her kids alone is trying to make me scruffy. The tiredness, the never-ending demands of the children…

Maybe this is why I was so touched when a neighbor gifted me clothes. I was a woman dressed in white clothes, in front of the big mirror of my bathroom. I sent photos to this woman. I was so grateful.

I know that by reclaiming my woman part, I can be a better mother as well to my children.

 

 

 

Impossible to lie to them nor to ourselves #motherhood

Impossible to lie to them nor to ourselves #motherhood

One of the many lessons my kids taught me is this transparency that our children draw us to.

Kids are so intuitive that they can feel when somebody is lying to them.

Moreover, if lying to a child is impossible, lying to ourselves is also harder when we are a mother.

When my kids are disappointed that we are going to go back to living in a 30m2 studio flat, I have to see the situation for what it is.

Yes I am a bit shameful to rent a studio flat for my two children and me.

I pray that my business flourishes so I can rent something bigger soon.