I was invited for a first date. I had a gorgeous dress is powder pink. I even remember the café in the north of Paris, with a golden statue and magnificent stairs.
I thought I was so in love with this man, until he said to me: “I want you to be the mother of my children“. Ouch. A mother? Why not a wife first? A woman? Sensual and beautiful before being nurturing and soothing for children?
I never got the flame back for him. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I missed something. I do not think so at all anymore. Everything which is meant to be for me is drawn to me anyway, as the great @nataliethebeliever says on Instagram.
My mistake was to think I was not enough as a woman. My error was to think my value as a human being would be higher was I to be a mother.
A few years afterwards, it was so easy for the abuser to convince me that I would be a better person if I had children.
Today I have two amazing children and I don’t feel sorrow anymore about what happened.
However, I refuse to be a scruffy mother. I always wanted to be appreciated as a woman and still wish to experience this soon.
The crazy hectic life attached to my situation as a working mother raising her kids alone is trying to make me scruffy. The tiredness, the never-ending demands of the children…
Maybe this is why I was so touched when a neighbor gifted me clothes. I was a woman dressed in white clothes, in front of the big mirror of my bathroom. I sent photos to this woman. I was so grateful.
I know that by reclaiming my woman part, I can be a better mother as well to my children.