The truth is: I cannot handle it and haven’t been to handle it for thirteen years.
I have always taken care of my babies then children alone, because I have heard a voice saying: “You chose to have kids, now take care of them, it is your problem not mine!“.
I love babies and children so much. I was so happy to have them.
Nevertheless, I feel I am really not the mother I wanted to be, present, full of attention and energy. So what? This is it? This is life? Something is missing, isn’t it? It is just a misunderstanding, isn’t it? I am going to wake up and tell my husband: “Honey I had a terrible nightmare, I was raising children all alone for thirteen years, can you believe it?”