At the moment I am having bulimia episodes, which never happened in at least 10 years.
What is the matter? Well, I am in the process if looking at the feeling of suffering right in the eyes and it hurts.
I am aware that bulimia is only a coping strategy as alcohol is.
I try to discover why it hurts so much. That man who left me? Not even him.
He only pressed on an already open wound in me: the fear of being loved then left. This is exactly what happened.
It was my biggest fear and it happened.
I am still alive, I can get over it.
What is underneath that grief?
The guilt and the feeling of not deserving love nor happiness, of having been a bad child, of not being good enough in general.
Now I tell myself that it is a big step to look at pain in its eyes instead of totally numbing myself.
Each day I can choose differently.
As Teal Swan says in her video about alcoholism, I can feel the pain and choose to be open, welcoming, flexible, instead of getting tensed and in resistance
I can also choose to not be bulimic, to stop self-sabotage and stay open to beauty and to love (more about that in the review of the book The 40 rules of love – book is here).
Did you see the interview I made with Lena and Said owner of a fantastic raw restaurant? At some point, Said told me that all habits were bad.
He meant that eating once a day is a good thing but I should not stick to eating at the same time every day (noon) without listening to my body. Some days I may feel hungry before noon, or after.
It struck me because I am a big fan of discipline and good habits. However I do understand that the trap is trying to control things, which is an impossible endeavor.
So I stick to my routines and habits, like a morning routine of rebounding, meditation and yoga, then intermittent fasting. However I do not sweat the details too much. Some days I may do 5 minutes of yoga and other days 50 minutes.
And you my friend my sister, do you think all habits are bad?
In the video “Love, lust and commitment” I discovered five amazing little questions which are tips from Esther Perel.
Esther Perel is the queen of love, relationships and eroticism.
Her five little questions are a game changer when it comes to getting over an ex after the breakup.
You can totally ignore my personal answers my friend my sister. As always, the aim is to remind you that you are not alone if you grieve a romantic relationship.
So let’s mend our bruised heart with Esther Perel amazing questions below:
1. What do you take with you from this relationship?
First, he taught me that I need to treat myself more.
Second, I learned that I shall be more daring and talk about my feelings.
2. What are the things that make you smile about that relationship?
I smile when I remember how interesting it was to chat together. Furthermore, I cherish the feeling of being at ease with him and being able to say everything to him, all the truth and always.
3. What are the things you wish you had done differently?
I wish I had a conversation with him about relationships goals before getting involved.
4. What do you want your ex to take away with him from you?
I would like him to remember that some women are vulnerable and need protection. I definitely did.
5. How do you want to be remembered?
I want to be remembered as the woman who loved him so deeply and sincerely that I did not want to change one bit about him.
He was not perfect but nor am I so this was a good match 😉
I really wish him the very best and I care about him very much. This is how I want to be remembered.
I love simple recipes and I place pleasure at the center of every long-term lifestyle, notably with living food.
My golden milk is:
- a glass of vegan milk: rice, hemp, oats… with
- a tiny bit of sea salt
- half a teaspoon of turmeric powder
- a quarter of a teaspoon of ginger powder
- a tiny bit of black pepper, and
- a teaspoon of coconut oil.
Enjoy my friend my sister!
Lena and Said are the owners of the fantastic raw restaurant Naturabsolu in the South of France and I was so privileged to have a delicious lunch there: 10 Place Saint Marc, 30400 Villeneuve lès Avignon, France.
But not only that! The three of us talked about more than one hour because it was so interesting.
I learned so many things, about living food of course, but also about breathing, our relationship with our children and how the nervous system works.
I invite you on a discovery journey with this amazing interview and the last word is going to be: take your time my friend my sister, you can transition to a healthy lifestyle with lots of time and tenderness.
Her fur was so soft:
These green eyes are mesmerizing:
Thin slices of cucumber with cashew nuts cheese and sprouts. So fresh and delicious.
Butternut squash spaghetti, red cabbage, bean sprouts, corn, very finely sliced leeks, tahini dressing (sesame cream) and poppy seeds. Absolutely scrumptious.
The dessert is panacruda with rhubarb and almond milk with the seaweed agar-agar on a bed of wild blackberries. So yummy!
I understand how lonely it is when the person we love leaves us.
The void is daunting.
Yet at the same time, it means that we can create anew.
On the blank page lies the possibility of happiness.
I was in a weird mood, not totally depressed but not very enthusiastic either.
The result? I looked at my feet when I walked, head down all day long, trying to avoid life.
Twice it happened to me: I had around me a great man but I could not see him.
Because of this f****** sadness which sticks to my bones sometimes. Also because of work which tends to invade my life as a single mother, with already so much time for myself.
It pains me to say this but the truth is, I had no time available for the man I loved. I did not take the time to look at him, while he was there.
Of course, when I got it time became of the essence and I fell head over heels for him. But it was too late. The relationship becomes impossible.
One question remains: why waste all this time? Why did I not see him while he was there?
Now I am crying over my lost love but I decide to never again keep my head down when I walk.
I want my eyes wide open for the beauty surrounding me.
I want to move forward with confidence, knowing there is a great man around me who will love me, which I will be able to love, which will not leave for the other side of the world, nor me.
One member of our beautiful community asked me a question about friendship.
She just went back to college as a single mother and finds her friends seem to resent her. Indeed she is not very available.
In my own little experience, I could identify three categories of people.
The first one is so-called friends who really don’t get it. Going back to get a diploma requires so much courage and sacrifice.
Resenting us for not being able to go to parties anymore is quite unfair. I wonder if these people shall still be called friends.
The second category is people who cannot relate but somehow understand and show patience.
The last and exciting category is all the new people you are going to befriend during this special time. You may meet mothers like you, going back to college to get a diploma.
These new friendships are going to be so valuable on your journey my friend my sister.
I got fascinated by Oprah’s latest podcast with Brené Brown about trust.
I understood how wrong I was in giving trust to people without waiting for them to show me that they were really trustworthy.
Check out this great podcast there my friend my sister: “Dr. Brené Brown: The Anatomy of Trust | Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations“.
Do you give trust easily or not my friend my sister?
I was so isolated. How could the relationship be light and playful?
We really need to surround ourselves with our friends while pursuing our passions my friend my sister.
It is a way of not being too needy towards our partner.
A man cannot be our friend, confident and shrink at the same time.