Going deep inside the #pain or introspection and compulsive #addictions

Going deep inside the #pain or introspection and compulsive #addictions

At the moment I am having bulimia episodes, which never happened in at least 10 years.

What is the matter? Well, I am in the process if looking at the feeling of suffering right in the eyes and it hurts.

I am aware that bulimia is only a coping strategy as alcohol is.

I try to discover why it hurts so much. That man who left me? Not even him.

He only pressed on an already open wound in me: the fear of being loved then left. This is exactly what happened.

It was my biggest fear and it happened.

I am still alive, I can get over it.

What is underneath that grief?

The guilt and the feeling of not deserving love nor happiness, of having been a bad child, of not being good enough in general.

Now I tell myself that it is a big step to look at pain in its eyes instead of totally numbing myself.

Each day I can choose differently.

As Teal Swan says in her video about alcoholism, I can feel the pain and choose to be open, welcoming, flexible, instead of getting tensed and in resistance

I can also choose to not be bulimic, to stop self-sabotage and stay open to beauty and to love (more about that in the review of the book The 40 rules of love – book is here).

2 thoughts on “Going deep inside the #pain or introspection and compulsive #addictions

What do you think my friend my sister?

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