Because the only way to overcome is to face it.
Because love is sometimes so complicated even though I love simplicity.
Because these men who abandoned me loved me nevertheless. I am only speaking about love here of course, not about the two abusive relationships I was trapped into as described in my book The Knot in the Spiral.
Because this is so much easier to be single rather than risking loving a man who could leave me.
Because when he said he loved me I laughed inside, not believing him. However it may have been the truth, even if he was incapable of making a space for me into his life.
Because if he left me because his father judged me not good enough for his son with my two children, he maybe tried to take my side.
Because the only way to overcome my fear is to experience a new relationship with all its uncertainty, even if I am moved to my core, even if realizing all of this makes me have bulimia again.
Because complexity is inherent to human relationships and maybe this is precisely what gives them this magical taste, this one in a million chance, this feeling of eternity married to the ephemeral nature of everything which is alive.