To tackle the issue of heartbreak is my duty because we must not underestimate the pain.
One of my friends had a breast cancer which I partly attribute to the hurt experienced by her after being left by the man with whom she was getting ready to have children.
Let’s talk about heartbreak my friend my sister, because time is really not enough to heal it. The 10 following tips have been personally tested by your humble servant during her last breakup. Dear God/Universe I would be delighted if it was the last because it hurts too much to bleed pain like that for weeks. Thank you in advance 😉
1. Do not take things personally
You have been left for a reason which belongs to the man you were in love with.
The reason for which he left you could have been the reason another man would love you.
Do not question your self-worth because you are left by a man. It has nothing to do with that. More about that in the book The Four Agreements.
2. Stick to your morning routine
Even when I feel that the ground is disappearing from under my feet, I am saved by the structure of a morning routine almost set in stone for me: rebounding, meditation and yoga.
Whatever the length, do not put pressure on you my friend my sister. A morning routine goes from 15 minutes to a few hours. The key is to stick to it.
Moreover, moving your body will move your emotions too, so you can digest and free yourself from them.
3. Do not resist the pain but welcome it
The extraordinary Pema Chodron talks and writes about opening our being and our heart to grief instead of trying to keep it at a distance at all costs. She has written many books, such as When Things Fall Apart and Living Beautifully: with Uncertainty and Change.
Before I did not want to even look at my pain. I was burying all the grief and sadness under tons of food.
Today I look at my broken heart in the eyes. I can feel it bleed and cry. I thought I would be totally overcome by grief and crumble under it, but actually it did not happen. I feel tremendous pain but I am still alive. This is unexpected.
4. Love yourself as you loved him
Love yourself in the way you dreamed he would love you. For instance, I dreamed he would bring me the most delicious fresh fruits so I am doing it for me. I was seeing his face behind a bunch of flowers in my imagination so I will buy myself flowers on for the new flat.
See yourself as the object of love and attention. How would you love yourself with the same devotion you loved him?
I ask myself how I can use my friends or myself to fulfill the needs I had with him: talking about literature, being held in his arms, wearing dresses and heels, taking care of me…
5. Pretend you are in a relationship with a man you admire
For me the trick works with Jay Shetty. I feel very attracted to men like him (not him in particular) because he is smart, healthy and doesn’t take himself seriously.
I pretend he is living with me right now. What would I do in my daily life if he was my partner? How would I feel each minute of the day? This exercise is law of attraction married to an immediate feel-good sensation 😉
6. Look at what is present in your life today
Obviously having a broken heart means we feel as if nothing is worth it anymore and our life is empty. There is a famous French quote by Lamartine which reads: “Un seul être vous manque et tout est dépeuplé” (You miss one human being and it feels as if nobody exist anymore).
However, the secret is to make the effort to count our blessings, to list all that is currently working well in our life.
7. Rejection is redirection and protection
My friend my sister, I know this is the hardest thing to hear but I promise each time I experienced it.
The end of a relationship feels like the worst pain ever, but it is part of a bigger plan.
We are protected from something which would have been detrimental to us. We could not see it yet, but in some way the relationship was not good for us.
Nataliethebeliever on Instagram has great posts about that. Check her out!
8. Giving up on over-thinking
During my last break-up, it felt good to write emails to the man I loved and who left me. Nevertheless, I did not send any of them.
I wrote pages and pages to clear my mind.
Then, I let go of over-thinking about everything I wanted to tell you that I did not have time to say to him.
I let go of the list of everything I wanted to do with him that I will never be able to share with him.
I choose to savor in my mind the good times spent with him.
To continue to communicate on a very regular basis with the man we loved can prevent us from moving forward and, at the end of the day, what’s the point anyway ? There is an amazing video by Jay Shetty about this: “Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? 3 Things To Think About Before You Do | Jay Shetty «Podcast»“. The relationship is dead so it only needs to be grieved.
From now on, I stop crying and over-thinking about what was and could have been. I look at the future not the past. I think about the man I will be with, the one who will be happy to build his life with me.
9. Love did exist
My friend my sister, even if the man we love/loved made love with another girl, I am convinced that it did not cancel the fact that love did exist at some point in the past.
Apart from toxic and abusive relationships, I am certain that love did exist at one moment in the past, even if it died afterwards.
Do not believe that he never loved you, that he made fun of you, that you are not good enough, that he is mean.
The fact that he does not love me today does not cancel the fact that at some point in the past he did love me. Therefore, love did exist and can exist again, with another man.
10. Save yourself
Even if you have opportunities, save yourself, to be crystal clear: no sex after a break-up to boost the ego.
It is like sugar. It is tempting but in the end it hurts more than it heals.
You are worth so much my friend my sister, do not waste that, do not lower your high standards.
Sexuality is sacred and, according to my humble opinion, shall be shared with a worthy man, in mutual respect and trust.