May we learn to detach from the toxic ideal of perfectionism. When I was in second year of law, I started getting bad grades for the first time. I thought it meant that I was a bad student and law was not for me. Therefore, I dropped out of college, only because I was trapped into the perfectionism model. It is my wish for you that you live a beautiful life, without the burden of perfectionism.
So, may we read again the beautiful book “The four agreements“, may we dive deep into the Arielle Ford concept of wabi sabi (“Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships“) and may we listen the Carol Dweck’ talks at Google and Stanford. In this video, I also quote Ralph Smart from Infinite Waters.
The book by Arielle Ford is:
Bulimia is filling a void but it is a never-ending task. Like Sisyphe, it makes us try to achieve an impossible task: feeling loved by eating food. Actually, binge eating meant for me pushing down my emotions because I was not allowed to disagree or be angry when I was a child.
I came across this amazing interview of Teal Swan: “Feeding The Void”. The following topics are discussed: bulimia as an extreme form of self-hatred, being a child whose boundaries were never respected and being raised by a perfectionist parent.
Today I love raw food because I feel I do not have to restrict myself anymore. I can eat whatever I want, I can even feel very full and my belly can be nice and round after a meal. However, I stay healthy. Slowly, my raw food intake has been reduced.
I find that meditation is a big help as regard to bulimia. I made an 8-day meditation experiment and I keep doing daily meditation today.
I was very bulimic from around 14 to 24 years old and received great comfort from the helpful books written by Geneen Roth, notably:
Thank You Geneen for sharing how you overcame bulimia.
I am so grateful for these books.
Her last book about food is:
I got my degree as a business lawyer by going back to college, taking care of my two children alone. I received a one-word sms from my mother when I announced I graduated. I share my project of living abroad with my parents and I receive doubts, almost mockeries and lots of fear.
I do not have the time for this anymore. The opinion of others belongs to them. Why do I still feel attached to the judgement, mostly negative, of my parents, while so many people share their admiration for me, as well as love and support? I do not have the right to sabotage my life in such a way when I could instead help others by sharing my experience, whether it was positive (a blessing) or negative (a lesson). I do not have the right to fall in the downward spiral of negativity when I have two amazing children who do their best to understand and apply everything I teach them.
I choose to go in the eye of the storm of pain and grief. My mum also tried to seek for her parents’ approval, for her whole life but to not avail. She has the extraordinary blessing of having my dad’s support, love and integrity. However, she does not seem to make the most of it and savor it, because she is so preoccupied with the past, what she wanted to receive from her parents but never had. This has to be a lesson for me.
If I am still single after all these years, it is because I need to cleanse myself from all this grief, in order to make savor the presence of a worthy man in my life. So, today, I choose differently. I choose to focus on my projects and my work. I do not have time to believe some of my thoughts which are “you need to gain your parents’ approval to feel good about yourself”. I see pictures of me when I was a kid and feel like giving this little girl a big warm hug. This little girl was so generous and kind, and she tried, to no avail, to please her mother.
Going to the end of the path which leads to forgiveness is being able to visualize the perpetrator surrounded by all the things he loves, happy and smiling. My friend, my sister, choose love and good, do not engage in hate. You are worth so much more than this. You deserve to be free.
I had escaped abuse about a year ago. I was living in a tiny studio flat with my two children. I was working full-time and a single mother. The children were fighting a lot, and I was overstressed, alone and fearful. I was going through horrible legal proceedings. I was exhausted. I felt my whole body was bleeding pain. I sent a SMS to someone who I trusted because I was angry at my daughter for some stupid reason and needed an adult ear to ease the pain. Instead, this person made up her mind about my mothering skills. Since that day, I was the bad mother. Each time I have to talk to this person, she acts as if I was a danger to my own daughter, not taking care of her in the right way. It still affects me after all these years. I trusted this person. I loved her so much. I have never been able to get any appreciation in her eyes. I was a bad child and I am now a bad mother.
The pain is raw. The pain is here. I go back to bulimia and I cannot stop the tears. I love my daughter more than anything else. Why do I even need to say this? How come I feel I have to justify myself again? I have to learn to cut the cords which attach me to this person. She is not living with me. It is my decision to invite her into my mind or to leave her where she is, all judgmental and harsh. I was never enough for her. I have to accept it. And move on.
Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real is essential for us women. If you have been abused, this book helps to understand how we fell into the manipulation trap and what are the ways to get out of it. For ever. The goal is to rebuild ourselves in a way that makes us manipulation proof. The secret is in identifying our needs and our feelings. Being able to express ourselves and our truth, having the experience of what affective safety feels like is the best protection against violence and abuse.
I also reviewed the excellent book “How to deal with our needs and emotions with “Nonviolent Communication” by M. Rosenberg”.
I absolutely adore the following quote by Khalil Gibran: “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” I have been knowing it for years and it always sounded so true when applied to my life.
This morning, I was also very inspired by a Danielle Laporte’s interview where the emotions of joy and sadness are nicely evoked: “Danielle Laporte on Creative Entrepreneurship, Relationships and Overcoming Fear“.
Khalil Gibran has written the best known book, among others, called “The Prophet”.