Sometimes we need to analyse our fear. Behind the fear of moving that my son was exhibiting lied the worry of not being able to make new friends in our new place.
Sometimes we need to express the deep emotions to avoid being eaten by anxiety from the inside.
And sometimes we need to walk on the path of life with the fear by our side without trying to get rid of it, as Pema Chodron eloquently explains in her books.
The worst is to stood still because of the fear, having only regrets about what we could have done with our life. Life is short and sweet my friend my sister. Live it to the fullest.
Do you remember Davina’s song “After the rain comes the sunshine again…“?
Actually, anger is a more elevated state than sadness. Then joy can enter the picture.
Recently, Teal Swan whom I adore released an ecourse to help victims of sexual abuse.
In a short extract on her Instagram, she shared how anger was a necessary step to overcome trauma. Not being able to express anger makes it impossible to heal. For a long time, I was unable to be angry. I was sad and overcome by grief.
Being angry, without hurting myself nor others, is actually what helped me to feel at ease with what happened. We never forget but we can live despite the past circumstances. We can live without defining ourselves by our past. I define myself with the choices I make today, with how I choose to show up in the world, how I talk to people and relate to the people I love. This is what matters and what I focus on.
It feels so weird to come back to France. Honestly, I thought I would never go back.
Sometimes France gets on my nerves. However, I feel I made peace with it, by seeing it through the eyes of non-French people.
Then I realized that if I was so upset with France, it was because it did not protect me when I needed it. France was not there for me because it did not take me seriously. It did not protect me children nor me.
Nevertheless, today I feel that the pain I experienced came from having expectations. I was certain that my “country” (if such a term means anything, which I doubt) would protect me.
The best thing is not having expectations as they say in the Four agreements. To avoid disappointment. And feel free.
What if our narcissistic parent consider us like a doll? As if our reality was not valid? As if we were broken and needed some fixing?
Thanks to the great Teal Swan I understood what gaslighting is. I still do not understand why it happened to me but I feel so much better with this awareness.
A woman from our beautiful community asked me a question about the fear of being abandoned, which can in some cases be inherited from one parent.
I am aware that such anguish can be transmitted by parents to their children. I also felt such fear so much in the past, inasmuch as it made me walk on dangerous life paths. Lack of love is different from physical child abuse. The fear of not being loved can stem from a lack of support, warmth and encouragements. Scientific evidence of the necessity to love a child has been brought by a fascinating book written by Sue Gerhardt “Why love matters” (How affection shapes a baby’s brain) available in both English and notably Spanish.
Today I focus on the myriad of ways which help alleviate the pain of my inner child. I cannot change nor cure the past and its wounds, but I can right now decide to help my crying inner child.
The version of me when I was a little girl needs reassurance and comfort, brought today by meditation, being in nature, enjoying the company of people I love, practicing daily yoga and reading uplifting books.
Whatever your past my friend my sister, your present actions are what matter. They can turn your life around if you choose to do so. Your suffering is real but not meant to hinder you from living your present life. Could we find healthy ways to soothe it and find pleasure and joy today?
Why Love Matters has been translated into many languages:
One man said that heartbreak is the most beautiful sorrow ever. Because it means the heart has loved.
It is incredible how such an easy shift in perspective changes the whole game. I feel as if there is nothing to worry about anymore as regard to love. Even it is ends (and does it really? usually it only changes form and appearance), it still is a beautiful thing because it is the proof we have experience the most magical emotion a human being can experience: love.
