What if our narcissistic parent consider us like a doll? As if our reality was not valid? As if we were broken and needed some fixing?
Thanks to the great Teal Swan I understood what gaslighting is. I still do not understand why it happened to me but I feel so much better with this awareness.
A woman from our beautiful community asked me a question about the fear of being abandoned, which can in some cases be inherited from one parent.
I am aware that such anguish can be transmitted by parents to their children. I also felt such fear so much in the past, inasmuch as it made me walk on dangerous life paths. Lack of love is different from physical child abuse. The fear of not being loved can stem from a lack of support, warmth and encouragements. Scientific evidence of the necessity to love a child has been brought by a fascinating book written by Sue Gerhardt “Why love matters” (How affection shapes a baby’s brain) available in both English and notably Spanish.
Today I focus on the myriad of ways which help alleviate the pain of my inner child. I cannot change nor cure the past and its wounds, but I can right now decide to help my crying inner child.
The version of me when I was a little girl needs reassurance and comfort, brought today by meditation, being in nature, enjoying the company of people I love, practicing daily yoga and reading uplifting books.
In today’s video, I mentioned the amazing work of Bridget Nielsen, Hans Wilhem, Patricia Darré (in French), Franck Lopvet (in French) in this regard.
Whatever your past my friend my sister, your present actions are what matter. They can turn your life around if you choose to do so. Your suffering is real but not meant to hinder you from living your present life. Could we find healthy ways to soothe it and find pleasure and joy today?
Why Love Matters has been translated into many languages:
One man said that heartbreak is the most beautiful sorrow ever. Because it means the heart has loved.
It is incredible how such an easy shift in perspective changes the whole game. I feel as if there is nothing to worry about anymore as regard to love. Even it is ends (and does it really? usually it only changes form and appearance), it still is a beautiful thing because it is the proof we have experience the most magical emotion a human being can experience: love.
The French man who expressed this amazing idea is named Franck Lopvet. He has a youtube channel as well.
We always come back to Socrates, don’t we? “Know yourself first!”
Each one of us has her own way of dealing with overwhelm. When I feel tired, I eat instead of getting some rest. Because I eat to stay awake.
Being self-aware is the first step. Then we can choose to change such a behavior 😉
My biggest fears were being abandoned, lonely, not belonging. I spent my whole childhood worrying about being left out and rejected by my mother.
A wise way to overcome such a fear of abandonment would have been to look at it in the eyes and process it. However, life made me experienced it directly. I had to bear the heavy responsibility of taking care of two children by myself.
Out of these circumstances emerged a brand-new feeling, like a diamond out of charcoal: I was free. I cherish my freedom so much now. I did not see I was free before, because I was dependent upon others to validate my sheer existence.
May you be free my friend my sister. May you be healthy. May you be happy.
I received an email from a man with whom I had a short but very nice relationship. Indeed, he was the first normal man, non abusive, with whom I started to build a story.
His email was actually a reply to one I sent him. I was asking him for forgiveness because I left the relationship after a few months in an abrupt manner. I am aware that it was shocking to him and I deeply regret what I did.
He wrote that he experienced lots of sadness, but also anger. By reading The Knot in the Spiral, he discovered a past that he did not know about. I did not unveil my past to him because it does not define who I am. It was still the early stages of the relationship so I would have talked to him about what happened later. So his anger came from discovering that someone had hurt me so much in the past. He wrote to me that it was difficult for him to accept that.
This is so weird. When I read his email, I felt I could see myself from the eyes of another person. I felt so much compassion for the woman I was, always trying to please others to the point of neglecting her own basic needs (like sleep).
My friend, my sister, if you are alone like I am, I feel you and I understand you. I have been single for 8 years. However, my deep intuition is that I am entering a new time period, in which I will be able to build a relationship with a great man. For this to happen, I need first to convince myself that I deserve it.
I was taught in childhood that one must suffer to have anything and to make anything good in life. My friend my sister, this is not true. We are not on earth to suffer. We exist to experience joy, play and ease. Blessings.
