I am not hurting because a man left me, but because of the core wound which is triggered by that event.
However, when I make the conscious effort to look at the emotion in the eyes, I discover that my original wound is the belief according to which I do not deserve love.
Once I look straight into it, I can let it go. Be free. Freed.
At 20 years old, I was passionate about martial arts.
I was practicing karate in my neighborhood.
However, sometimes I was falling apart crying in front of the door of my karate class.
If I was able to transform my life from this feeling worse than depression to my actual life, which I love with so much enthusiasm, it is thanks to beautiful souls who share their life stories and experiences.
Never underestimate the positive impact you can have on others my friend my sister. Share, express yourself! At the moment, reading the posts of Natalie the believer on IG really warms my heart.
You are not alone my friend my sister and you have in yourself the capacity to come out of it.
After a breakup, there is a time to cry and grieve.
Then comes the time to draw lessons from what happened to grow and move forward in life.
By listening to and reading what the fantastic Jay Shetty puts into the world, I could see myself in two great ideas which are lessons for me.
The first lesson is that not forcing love is a sign of maturity.
It is useless to run after a man who says no. Furthermore, it is not respectful.
The second lesson is that even if we terribly miss a man, it does not mean that the end of the relationship was a bad thing.
He left and this belongs to the natural order of things, even if it hurts. There may be a reason in it that I cannot see yet.
He is making a fool of me!
Who? My neighbor who wakes me up in the night because of his door slamming or my boss who writes so badly I can hardly read him.
Really? Not so sure!
If I choose not to take things personally, I can look further than the surface or my ego and I can grasp reality better.
My neighbor has such an issue with his door that he has to kick it so he can enter his flat.
My boss is so concerned with my situation as a single mother that not only does he raise my salary to the maximum of his capacity but he also offers me a loan shall I need one.
Not taking things personally is one of the four agreements from the famous book by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you love this author, I also recommends Mastery of Love, such a great book on romantic relationships my friend my sister.
I have been cheated on by two men. For the first one, I was naive, 19 years old and I believed him when he said I was really crazy to imagine that. For the second, he was a lying with natural ease, using blame like a sword and abusing people for the sheer pleasure of it. Destroying me so I would slowly die was a goal of him. I left before that but honestly, I did not believe I had been cheated on from the first to the last day. The police officer who revealed this piece of information to me made me get an HIV test because I was so at risk, considering the extent of him cheating with so many people.
Today my mission is to bring hope to women who have been cheated on and who, beyond the pain of it, have risked their own life because of it as I did with mine.
I wrote about it in my book The Knot in the Spiral, I started to rebuild my life by leaving the abusive relationship/trap. The thing is, all these practices which bring more purity into our body and life, have a great secondary effect: they dramatically increase our intuition my friend my sister.
Now I can feel people. I smell them and I feel them! Whenever I feel ill-at-ease, I can use my brain and my rational sense, it will not change it. If I am ill-at-ease, for instance if a man pretends he is with a friendly friend while they sleep together, I feel it immediately. I know I can count on my intuition. I am not worried of being cheated on anymore.
My friend my sister, you can rebuild your life and your intuition so you do not live in the fear of being cheated on and welcome true love instead.
To tackle the issue of heartbreak is my duty because we must not underestimate the pain.
One of my friends had a breast cancer which I partly attribute to the hurt experienced by her after being left by the man with whom she was getting ready to have children.
Let’s talk about heartbreak my friend my sister, because time is really not enough to heal it. The 10 following tips have been personally tested by your humble servant during her last breakup. Dear God/Universe I would be delighted if it was the last because it hurts too much to bleed pain like that for weeks. Thank you in advance đ
You have been left for a reason which belongs to the man you were in love with.
The reason for which he left you could have been the reason another man would love you.
Do not question your self-worth because you are left by a man. It has nothing to do with that. More about that in the book The Four Agreements.
Even when I feel that the ground is disappearing from under my feet, I am saved by the structure of a morning routine almost set in stone for me: rebounding, meditation and yoga.
Whatever the length, do not put pressure on you my friend my sister. A morning routine goes from 15 minutes to a few hours. The key is to stick to it.
Moreover, moving your body will move your emotions too, so you can digest and free yourself from them.
The extraordinary Pema Chodron talks and writes about opening our being and our heart to grief instead of trying to keep it at a distance at all costs. She has written many books, such as When Things Fall Apart and Living Beautifully: with Uncertainty and Change.
Before I did not want to even look at my pain. I was burying all the grief and sadness under tons of food.
Today I look at my broken heart in the eyes. I can feel it bleed and cry. I thought I would be totally overcome by grief and crumble under it, but actually it did not happen. I feel tremendous pain but I am still alive. This is unexpected.
Love yourself in the way you dreamed he would love you. For instance, I dreamed he would bring me the most delicious fresh fruits so I am doing it for me. I was seeing his face behind a bunch of flowers in my imagination so I will buy myself flowers on for the new flat.
See yourself as the object of love and attention. How would you love yourself with the same devotion you loved him?
I ask myself how I can use my friends or myself to fulfill the needs I had with him: talking about literature, being held in his arms, wearing dresses and heels, taking care of me…
For me the trick works with Jay Shetty. I feel very attracted to men like him (not him in particular) because he is smart, healthy and doesn’t take himself seriously.
I pretend he is living with me right now. What would I do in my daily life if he was my partner? How would I feel each minute of the day? This exercise is law of attraction married to an immediate feel-good sensation đ
Obviously having a broken heart means we feel as if nothing is worth it anymore and our life is empty. There is a famous French quote by Lamartine which reads: “Un seul ĂȘtre vous manque et tout est dĂ©peuplĂ©” (You miss one human being and it feels as if nobody exist anymore).
However, the secret is to make the effort to count our blessings, to list all that is currently working well in our life.
My friend my sister, I know this is the hardest thing to hear but I promise each time I experienced it.
The end of a relationship feels like the worst pain ever, but it is part of a bigger plan.
We are protected from something which would have been detrimental to us. We could not see it yet, but in some way the relationship was not good for us.
Nataliethebeliever on Instagram has great posts about that. Check her out!
During my last break-up, it felt good to write emails to the man I loved and who left me. Nevertheless, I did not send any of them.
I wrote pages and pages to clear my mind.
Then, I let go of over-thinking about everything I wanted to tell you that I did not have time to say to him.
I let go of the list of everything I wanted to do with him that I will never be able to share with him.
I choose to savor in my mind the good times spent with him.
To continue to communicate on a very regular basis with the man we loved can prevent us from moving forward and, at the end of the day, what’s the point anyway ? There is an amazing video by Jay Shetty about this: “Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? 3 Things To Think About Before You Do | Jay Shetty «Podcast»“. The relationship is dead so it only needs to be grieved.
From now on, I stop crying and over-thinking about what was and could have been. I look at the future not the past. I think about the man I will be with, the one who will be happy to build his life with me.
My friend my sister, even if the man we love/loved made love with another girl, I am convinced that it did not cancel the fact that love did exist at some point in the past.
Apart from toxic and abusive relationships, I am certain that love did exist at one moment in the past, even if it died afterwards.
Do not believe that he never loved you, that he made fun of you, that you are not good enough, that he is mean.
The fact that he does not love me today does not cancel the fact that at some point in the past he did love me. Therefore, love did exist and can exist again, with another man.
Even if you have opportunities, save yourself, to be crystal clear: no sex after a break-up to boost the ego.
It is like sugar. It is tempting but in the end it hurts more than it heals.
You are worth so much my friend my sister, do not waste that, do not lower your high standards.
Sexuality is sacred and, according to my humble opinion, shall be shared with a worthy man, in mutual respect and trust.
There are so many great videos about empaths (if you understand French I love Laura Zanella).
Not everybody is an empath of course.
If you too cannot understand why people deliberately choose to lie and cheat, welcome to the club! Let’s keep in a part of our head that yes some people will try to take advantage of us. It is our responsibility to be smart. And stay an empath because this is beautiful!
