This is such a pleasure to review her book now: Asaliah, a cute and fresh chapter book.
I found in Asaliah some sparks of the law of attraction and inspiration to draw from our personal power and imagination.
My 13-years-old daughter who hates reading said Justine’s book was easy to read and interesting with beautiful drawings.
My 10-years-old son who loves reading thought the book Asaliah looked very good even before reading it. Then he said: “I love that book!” and “I would love to read the following stories!“.
So I am sending good vibes to the author Justine so she writes the following adventures of her character Asaliah!
Why read the book by Napoleon Hill called Think and grow rich? I have 10 reasons for you my friend my sister!
Reason 1: The desire to be the best version of ourselves
In the book Think and grow rich as analyzed by Mitch Horowitz, there is this great quote:
“all motivated people share one common trait: the drive for personal excellence“
I believe in wealth as a beautiful reflection of our value, of the one we offer the one and the one we then receive in the form of abundance.
Each day, I feel so much energy running through my veins to accomplish everything I have to do thanks to this desire to be of service to you, to bring you something of value my friend my sister.
This is why I am able to wake up early every day of the week and all year round!
Reason 2: Knowing how to be always ready for an opportunity
In the book Think and grow rich, there is the story of a man, Barnes, who is desperate to collaborate with a man he admires.
He had no chance to be allowed such an opportunity on paper. However, he decided to make himself ready just in case. When he was offered a position within the firm, he was always ready to jump in.
The secret here is that the opportunity did not exactly match his desire because the position within the firm was not very high. Nevertheless, it allowed him to start working for and approach the man he wanted to collaborate with.
Reason 3: The law of attraction includes feelings
The rule is as follows:
“your subconscious mind recognizes and acts ONLY upon thoughts that have been well mixed with emotion or feeling”
The way I apply it is to visualize the outcomes I desire with my mind but adding sounds, body sensations and feelings.
I ask myself the question: How would I feel when I am comfortable working on my blog? Well, I would feel relaxed, trustful and full of gratitude.
I decide to cultivate these qualities now. I have started sharing in 2016 so it’s been more than three years of work without abundance being received yet, but I trust it is coming soon.
For instance, my French youtube channel has just been monetized so I feel I am on the right way and should continue to pursue my dreams.
How would you feel if you had what you want my friend my sister? Feel that now! This reminds me of the work of Danielle Laporte:
Reason 4: The power of action
Your power lies in the action you decide to take my friend my sister, in that step you put forward, how ever shy it is.
“Knowledge is only potential power”
writes Mitch Horowitz.
We need a plan of action organized towards a defined goal.
Reason 5: The impact of desire
Your desire, your burning wish to obtain something is like a fire supporting your actions and granting you tenacity in everything you build.
Let’s cultivate such a desire! Let’s make vision boards and mediate while visualizing our desire come true in our life. Let’s be proud of our desire my friend my sister!
Mitch Horowitz writes that
“The creative imagination works only when the conscious mind is stimulated through the emotion of a STRONG DESIRE“
“Without specialized knowledge, your ideas remain mere wishes”
reminds us Mitch Horowitz.
Reason 6: The power of writing
Napoleon Hill advises us to start by writing on paper our wishes and objectives. This is the first step to turning them into reality.
Reason 7: Ignoring other people’s opinion
I must admit that when I started my creative endeavors, I did not share them with anybody.
I did not want the way other people see reality to be projected on my dreams and influence them in any shape of form.
Today I share only what has been publicly released, such as my websites and my book The Knot in the Spiral:
Napoleon Hill warns us:
“the majority of people who fail to accumulate money sufficient for their needs tend to be easily influenced by the “opinions” of others“
Indeed, our desire has to be only our own first.
Reason 8: The fear of loss of love
Of course, it is possible that we are afraid of other people’s negative opinion because in each human being lies the intrinsic fear to loose love.
Mitch Horowitz advises as follows:
“If you fear the loss of love, reach a decision to get along without love, if that is necessary.”
If need be, I let go and I make peace with the possibility of others criticizing or even rejecting me because of what I put into the world.
Thus, a few paragraphs of the book The Knot in the Spiral were almost deleted before I decided to release my fear of people disliking me.
Reason 9: Overcoming worry and anxiety
According to Napoleon Hill,
“If you experience a general sense of worry, reach a blanket decision that nothing life has to offer is worth the price of worry“
Wow! This is a sentence I need to ready often to it get imprinted in my brain because I confess I tend to be on the worrying side.
However, I noticed that experiencing traumatic events, rejections and major disappointments allowed me to get rid of some of that anxiety.
What really helps me the most is reminding me that life is a gift which can end anytime. Therefore it is my duty to give it my best shot because tomorrow is never promised.
Reason 10: The ultimate solution in a burning desire for achievement backed by service to others
In the end, it is very simple: even if it entails undertaking a long journey, the best solution is to cultivate a burning desire to achieve our dreams.
Such motivation cannot be tamed by what the outside world reflects back at one moment in time.
Such beautiful energy will be our best ally to support us in easy and difficult times.
Yet such a burning desire will be as strong as is our service to others. In that regard, Napoleon Hill makes me think of another extraordinary author as regards with money and abundance: Joel Solomon, author of the book The Clean Money Revolution, for which I did a review here.
One of my French student is still at university but she wants to associate ethics and business in her future career.
Today I have 10 reasons for you to read the amazing and very informative book by Joel Solomon called Clean Money:
1. No taboo around money
“We all need to talk more about money and what it does in the world” writes Joel Solomon.
Yes indeed, we cannot bury our heads pretending money is bad and shouldn’t be talked about. Money is a fascinating subject.
“Terms like green economy, circular economy and sharing economy” are emerging and we need to be informed about them my friend my sister. This is a new world, let’s be part of it!
Today it is not weird anymore “to gather to talk about money and the meaning of life” and I love it so much. We can search for our life purpose while keeping business ethics along the way.
2. Alchemy as a way of life
Let’s transform everything. I want to transform my pain into inspiration for others. This is why I do youtube videos.
The author if Clean Money writes: “We can transform our anxiety into passion. Fear can become hope. The moment demands deep and unwavering commitment to transforming it all. The economy. The planet. The way we treat, see, and live with one another.”
Money is an agent of transformation.
3. What if wealth was different from accumulating costly objects?
Joel Solomon writes: “Generations before me were wooed by making millions on Wall Street or amassing material stuff as a symbol of success. Some in my generation are also attracted by this. But I couldn’t be prouder to work and live amongst a massive group of global peers who are just crazy enough, just bold enough to imagine a completely different future.”
I worked in finance my friend my sister, where some people are very wealthy. Do they mean they are happier? No and I am so grateful I got such a work experience. It taught me to look for a deeper meaning in life and for meaningful relationships.
I couldn’t care less about objects. Granted, I love a good blender, but honestly I live a very minimalist lifestyle. I moved across continents with only one suitcase. My wealth is in the people I love and care about, including you my friend my sister.
In the book Clean Money, its author writes: “We can find joy and meaning beyond unlimited consumption. The wealth that has perpetuated injustice can transform the world.”
New generations are so much aware of the limitation of living and working only for consuming afterwards: “To all young people who feel there is a better way of living and working : trust yourself.”
Furthermore, “The Millennial generation has had some environmental education. They know what the problems are, they know we’re destroying this planet, they want to do something about it. And they want to support the companies that are doing something about it.”
Times have changed. Money for money is completely outdated: “Our purpose can no longer be simply to amass and hoard ever – larger amounts of capital, whether for ourselves or for shareholders. There’s no good future in that.”
When I worked in Finance, I saw the rise of impact investing, when people will put their money in a product only because they want to impact the environment, the life of people and so on. It is very different from the traditional mentality of not caring where the money is investing inasmuch as it generates more money.
4. What is money?
I was taught in class that money is a tool to make exchanges easier. However it can be more than that. “Money is a powerful force for good” writes Joel Solomon.
Money can transform our world. Do you have money? Then you have a huge responsibility: “What is the world you’d like to see ? Start investing in those things.” recommends the author of Clean Money.
“How we use money is an expression of who we are and all that we believe” warns Joel Solomon so let’s be in alignment with our values in everything we do, including buying and investing my friend my sister.
In his book Clean Money, the author writes that “Money is embodied energy. It’s a tool. Making it into a god is tragic. Using it with a divine intention to help others is wonderful.” I love it! I always believed that money can bring out the worst or the best in people.
5. The deep transformation of the financial world
Even before diving deep into personal development, I learned that the financial sector is embracing the change of socially and environmentally responsible practices. This is the future. There is no way back.
Hence in France for instance, a law made it mandatory for companies to report on how the company is taking into account the social and environmental impact of its activity (Loi NRE 15 May 2001).
“The demand to align money with values is rising. Financial advisors are responding” explains Joel Solomon.
Furthermore, companies can generate value when they invest into their general responsibility. Taking into account all the stakeholders involved in its activity can help a company stand out on the market.
“The wealth management industry knows this marketplace disruption is real. New product growth is underway for pensions, endowments, mutual funds, banking, consumer goods, and savings” writes the author of the book Clean Money.
For instance, the socially responsible investment is developed right now, because while “The 20th century was the era of Buy Low / Sell High and Wealth Now / Philanthropy Later — what one venture capitalist called “ the largest legal accumulation of wealth in history”, the 21st Century will be the era of nurture capital, built around principles of carrying capacity, care of the commons, sense of place, diversity, and nonviolence.”
Some funds are also choosing to desinvest from companies which are not socially and environmentally responsible because it becomes risky.
6. When divine femininity aligns with the tool of money
Joel Solomon writes: “After centuries of a male-dominated, maximum-financial-return-regardless-of-consequences exploitive capitalism, we are building a new regenerative business culture. Feminization of the economy is part of this, making our financial system relational, cooperative, and with more balanced representation.”
There is so much hope when I read: “My perspective moved from the prevalent patriarchal model — mechanistic accumulation for the smartest and most dominant — toward balance with more feminine principles. Shared abundance, love, relationship, and generosity.”
Clean Money also means “liberation from a structure of exploitation, racism, and patriarchy and toward one of shared prosperity and a clean economy.”
It is a matter of urgency because “diversity and interdependence are critical to resilience“. The world definitely needs more feminine values my friend my sister: “In the old – school patriarchal business world, emotional vulnerability is assumed to be a weakness. Leaders are taught to block emotions. Unfortunately that snuffs empathy and becomes the source of much trouble.”
“Love is an excellent moral guide. Let’s be billionaires of good deeds. Billionaires of love.” writes Joel Solomon.
We need to act, in accordance with our values because “The task of infusing love and responsibility into the long-term future of civilization is a big one . It needs millions of us, and ultimately billions. We need every willing hand, heart, and mind.”
It makes me think of the presidential candidate Marianne Williamson, whose political message is founded on love.
A big part of personal development is around living an aligned life where “Career, money, and health, must be connected.” This is why I left the law firm. I did not feel aligned. Today I live according to my values.
I really believe that I can receive abundance in my life while staying connected to my purpose of being of service to others.
Lastly, the author of the book Clean Money reminds us that “our wealth is a demonstrative statement of our values“.
8. Why we need to wake up now
The past model did not bring money without consequences: “That was a very unusual period in which those returns were able to be given to investors, and looking back now, we can say that they were gotten at the expense of ecological capital and human capital.”
What is our current state of affairs? Joel Solomon writes in his book Clean Money that “We severely degraded our landscapes and our natural resources to achieve those kinds of returns. We’ve also exploited human resources both in our own country and in others. And so we have to ask ourselves : Is this really a model of sustainable growth ?”
“Everything we do now creates the future” so let’s get informed my friend my sister, let’s share this message of creating a new model and then let’s act.
9. What is your purpose in life?
At the end of our life, we may ask ourselves questions like: “How will we have contributed to making their world safer, more loving, more resilient ? Will we be satisfied that we lived our true meaning and purpose ?”
Indeed, it will not presumably be about how much wealth we have accumulated but the meaning attached to our life:
Moreover, “learning from spiritual traditions about the fleeting nature of life and the inevitability of death could show us how to live a legacy that matters. Who do we want to have been when we look back from our death bed? How did we leave the world better?”
This is why a book such as Clean Money really matters.
10. We are all interdependent
““ We’re all better off when we’re all better off. With inequality, we miss out on good ideas and relationships, unhappiness increases, and eventually systems collapse. Rather than ‘every man for himself,’ we understand that real security comes from community. We need to rebuild the middle class, engage in fair trade, and decentralize power and business ownership.”” writes Joel Solomon in his book Clean Money.
To conclude on a practical level, as I am setting up my company, I decide to give 10% of the profits to a charity I know well (I use the online accounting platform Dougs), such as charities helping children who survived abuse.
Lastly, the following quote from Joel Solomon brings me to tears: “Dying with the most money is pointless. It’s about what we do to help those who will follow us. Remember the land. Remember the future. Remember love.”
Although the book La nuit de feu is not yet translated into English, I am happy to give you the 10 gems of that book for our own life my friend my sister.
1. Whose path are we on?
The author of The night of fire is wondering in the book if the life path he chose is really his.
I met so many people who chose their career to please their parents, only to be miserable in their job. Maybe it is time to choose our own path my friend my sister, to take responsibility for our happiness. In the end, all our parents want is for us to be safe and healthy, isn’t it?
2. When studying misleads us
I am a big advocate of going back to college, as I have the experience of doing it myself and becoming a lawyer.
However, I do not consider studying and getting diplomas as a recipe for a happy life. Sometimes being too focused on the brain and rationality brings us far away from our heart and intuition. In the book, the author regrets that studying did not spark his intuition, creativity and imagination.
3. Another look on everyday life
It is too easy to get engrossed into one’s problem and forget to look at the tiny miracles that surround us every day.
There is true magic in little things, in the present moment, here and now my friend my sister.
4. The meaning of things
Nobody deserve trauma and pain. Yet so many of us experienced a traumatic event in our past. Eric-Emmanuel Schmitt writes that everything has a meaning, everything is justified.
From now on, I try to look at circumstances with inquiry and curiosity, keeping in mind that even if I don’t understand the meaning of things, it exists.
5. Traveling and open-mindedness
The first travel I did after years of never taking holidays was in Cabo Verde, Africa. It gave me such a boost in my life. Whenever I travel somewhere and discover new things, I feel like I am experiencing a growth spurt.
In the book, the author writes about traveling as letting go, encountering the unknown and loosing our comfort to find ourselves again.
6. Being happy to have known each other
Yes I am terribly sad when I think of this man I loved and lost and who was also such a close friend. But I don’t want to swim in the grief pond forever. I want to have the image of his face next to the true happiness of having been able to know him for a while.
In The night of fire, two men are building a strong friendship during a trip to the Sahara desert. When time comes to say goodbye, without the possibility of seeing each other again, this is all that matters: the happiness to have know each other.
7. Remembering what really matters
When the friends separate in the book, the Saharian guide gives his best advice to his friend: “Never forget the unforgettable”. I want to keep the unforgettable memories like a treasure inside my heart.
8. Keeping a mind open and curious
Eric-Emmanuel Schmitt shares that certitudes bring death. There is nothing more dangerous that someone who is sure to have the truth. Humility is key to a life respectful of others. Humility allows growth, curiosity, tolerance, an open mind and a compassionate heart.
9. Sharing is caring
The person who says she has the answers to everything will not be taken seriously. But the man or woman who bravely shares some of his/her experience can change lives. Not because one experience is directly applicable to another person’s life, but because sharing stems from the heart. Our impact on people is impossible to foresee. This is why I admire so much people who share their stories.
10. Moving forward towards the true self
In the book La nuit de feu, the author has a leitmotiv during his quest in the desert: “Somewhere, my true self is waiting for me“. I love this image of a never-ending path towards truth, honesty and self knowledge.
Naked Chocolate has been written by David Avocado Wolfe and Shazzie and it is entirely dedicated to raw chocolate. Is this why this book is surrounded by love and kindness?
I highly recommend reading this book because it is very informative, detailed and interesting.
The first part of the book teaches us the history of cacao, notably how it was used as currency at some point. Then, David Avocado Wolfe and Shazzie describe all the amazing health benefits of raw cacao.
Lastly, Naked Chocolate offers us amazing, simple and delicious recipes, illustrated by photos which makes the mouth water at their sight.
I gave the book Naked Chocolate as a gift to an angel who graced my life with his presence for a few months, as I write in my book The Knot in the Spiral.
Naked Chocolate is definitely more than just a book…
This Messy Magnificent Life is the book of a woman who changed my life decades ago with her books about bulimia (such as When food is love). She has now acquired so much wisdom that she generously shares it in a fascinating new book.
Here are my 10 takes on Geneen Roth’ latest book.
1. The way we eat or the way we live
“Putting the spoon down feels like falling into the crack between worlds, like the ending of every relationship I didn’t want to end“. Do you know the feeling?
This is the same feeling we have when a relationship is ending and we know it is a good thing but still there is so much resistance. Because we are afraid of things ending. Anxious of being left with a void in our life.
I love how Geneen Roth shares her struggles with us and allows us to relate and not feel alone in this weird emptiness feeling we can have sometimes.
2. Being thin is not the be-all and end-all
As I shared in my Weight loss series (“Why be #thin? Why loose the weight? – Weight loss Series Ep. 6“), it can be worth it to ask ourselves what being thin really means to us. As Geneen Roth writes in her book, being thin does not have only good sides.
Indeed, not having fat around us makes us vulnerable and visible. We cannot hide anymore and loose a kind of protection from the world.
Of course it does not mean that loosing weight is not a good thing, but maybe we can become aware of the positive and negative sides of being thin. It is not all easy and rosy and does not prevent us from being left and sad (see the video “I feel I want to give everything up! is being #thin a cure-all?“).
3. Our body is a source of creativity and wisdom
When I finally got rid of bulimia, I discovered a new thing: myself.
Instead of filling my body with tons of food to suppress the feeling of pain, I was discovering who I was. Very slowly, I reconnected back to my body.
After years of rebuilding my life, a miracle happened: I realized I had some creativity inside of me.
I am not an artist like my mother and my sister, I have no talent in drawing, sewing, singing or playing an instrument.
However I have one way to express: I speak and I write. Today I am exploring this creativity well with delight.
What is your way of creating my friend my sister?
In her book, Geneen Roth invites us to stop starving ourselves or filling our body with food to numb the pain. She writes that when we stop abusing our body, it can open and reveal our potential of creativity and wisdom.
4. The way we live our days makes our life
What matters at the end of life? “Whether you brought yourself to your relationships with kindness, or with reactivity. Whether you shut your heart or opened it, even in the face of rejection“. Relationships.
Life is too short for resentment. I love my parents whatever choices they made in the past. This is not what matters. The important thing to to keep some lightness in our heart. In our life.
Indeed he left me and I am so frustrated because I had so many things to tell him, places to go with him, moments to share, and a lot of giving to do. However he is still my friend. I am sending him good vibes as I always did. In a way, I love him for ever. In a different mode, inasmuch as I can welcome another man in my life, someone who is willing to build a relationship with me.
Our daily life makes our life. May we cherish it with tenderness so it is worth it.
5. Victim, not good enough, in lack
Geneen Roth noticed that each time she was feeling down, angry or hurt, it was because she was either feeling like a victim, not good enough or in lack.
When we decide to look at these three big worries with awareness, then we can let them go.
6. Choosing not to complain
As long as I can remember, I don’t complain, or not anymore. It became second nature. Furthermore, I cannot stand being in the presence of people who complain because I get discouraged.
Geneen Roth in her book is very clear about complaining: lamenting on the past is like eating rat poison and expecting the rat to die.
We only have one life my friend my sister. Yes I would love to rewrite the past differently. I wanted to tell the man who left me so many things, now lost forever in the big oblivion river. He will never know these things and we will never live together.
Nevertheless, being stuck in these thoughts, complaining and having regrets will not change a thing. To admit it is to be able to turn the page. It means opening up to the endless possibilities of life, to love and joy.
7. Spending time on what instead?
What we put our attention on determines our entire life. Geneen Roth underlines that since our days on earth are counted, we should simply ask ourselves: how do I choose to spend the days I have left (and which are gifted to me)?
I do not want to miss one second of this precious life, I do not want to ruin it with stupid stuff like regrets. Yes I do welcome grief, to better open myself afterwards to this beautiful life.
Our life is not like the big rehearsal of the dance shows I did at the Italian-style theater when I was a kid. The show is today. Life that matters is now. “I realized that this life wasn’t a dress rehearsal for some bigger, better promise around the corner. This was it, and my breaths were numbered“. May we not wait to be ready to live life, to have a man in our life to wear beautiful lingerie nor to have a reason to smile before smiling.
We become what we love and our life is what we do most of the time. Geneen Roth writes: “attention is the way you bless yourself with love“.
8. Paying attention to the ordinary
Geneen Roth shares a beautiful prayer with us: “After so many years of so many practices and so many prayers, I have only one left : let me remember to pay attention to the ordinary, not just to the extraordinary.”
9. Reconnecting to our body
I feel like we always go back to this idea, don’t you think my friend my sister? Moving from our brain to our body, from the rational and intellectual mind down to our gut, our intuition and our beautiful body.
My body, which I chose to abuse myself before a man did it, my body which nevertheless always supported me. Now I cherish it, I care for it, I love it and am thankful for it.
Now I practice yoga in the same way I make love to a man: feeling each sensation from my toes to my head, enjoying the nice energy which goes through my muscles and sometimes makes me shake and tremble, sometimes being on the verge of tears because I have so much gratitude to be able to gracefully move my body with such flexibility.
My body is precious now. I am not ignoring it anymore and this is a magnificent feeling.
10. What happened to us
When we stop defining ourselves according to our past, we can open ourselves up to life. Geneen Roth shares in the book This Messy Magnificent Life how such a freedom is even better than chocolate, sex or the most gorgeous pair of shoes 😉
Becoming aware that what happened to us does not define us in any way is true freedom. My friend my sister, you are not stained by physical abuse, even if you still have scars. Because we are far more than our past. We are infinite potential.
I thought I was going to read a book about children yet I learned so many things about my life as an adult. The author of the French book L’adolescence autrement (teenage years differently) starts her book inviting us to a beautiful trip, which will lead us to our autonomy as well as our children’s.
This is the secret of this book. Not only does it help us to improve the relationship with our teenagers, but it is also a great book to grow ourselves in our own life.
The author of the book write that living with a teenager is a provocation for happiness. They ask us: What did you do with your life? What are you waiting for before flying towards your dreams?
2. Giving up the fear of rebellion
The author defines teenagers as rebels against authority. The aim is to stop fearing the rebellion they can display.
I feel that when my daughter rebels, it is a way for her to separate from me, to distance herself, to establish she is different.
3. From the care received to the autonomous care
A teenager is in a transition period, from receiving care to learning to take care of herself.
As soon as my children were born, I decided I would do everything to avoid being a mother who smothers her kids.
Paradoxically for the majority of people, I therefore chose long-term breastfeeding, babywearing and co-sleeping. My goal was to raise confident, independent and autonomous children.
According to my humble opinion and experience, confident kids become autonomous way earlier. My children are teenagers now and so many people praise how autonomous they are. Moreover, they never had separation anxiety nor fear of the dark or anything else.
4. Nobody is the perfect parent
I read dozens of books about raising children and education during the pregnancy and I made really big efforts to practice attachment parenting. My daughter was born at home in a birthing pool.
Nevertheless, I am aware that my children suffer because I have been living with them as a single parent for ever and they realize the weight of what I have to carry on my shoulders.
This is definitely not the life I had in mind, neither for them nor for me.
However, instead of diving deep into guilt, I appreciate the words of the author of this brilliant book which read that guilt we can feel thinking of what we made our kids go through is a sign of awareness, it should not paralyse us, nor allow us to feel a victim. It is never too late to understand, repair, love, dive time and attention to your child, getting to know who he really is and supporting him in his choices.
5. The supershero who lives inside of us all
The book Being a teenager differently is uplifting and motivating. Indeed, raising a kid is going to bring out some resources we never know we had inside us.
When my children feel they are a burden, I repeat to them once again that without them, I would not have become a lawyer nor go and live for a whole year in Africa.
Children teach us so much about ourselves.
6. Of the urgency of letting go of control
What a relief to read this book. I left a toxic relationship inside which I was super controlled so I do not wish to repeat a similar pattern with my kids.
Catherine Dumonteil-Kremer writes that control is totally inefficient and counter-productive as well as a cause of separation from our children.
Control can lead a teenager to lying or silence. This is a way for him to protect himself.
I do not push my kids to study hard, choose one job instead of another, not even one hobby for another. Letting go of control means respecting.
According to the author, control can become very dangerous and lead to risky behaviors. Control has a price that we will pay sooner or later. Either our children resist or, worse, they give in and will pay a very high price later on because of the distortion of their personality that they will have to create in order to please us.
7. The child and teenager is a whole person
Of course we want our children to succeed and be happy. However, I cannot stop from feeling sadness when I see these prodigal sons or daughters who enter the profession of their parents and stay on the track their parents chose for them.
Once again (I often spoke about that topic in my videos!), our children do not belong to us, our teenagers even less. I am only a guide and an example for mine. They are not my reflection.
Catherine Dumonteil-Kremer writes that “Our child is not here to do what we want, but to become himself” (my translation) (“Notre enfant n’est pas là pour faire ce que nous voulons, mais pour devenir lui-même .”).
8. Not preventing pain
Trying to avoid the pain is a trap which makes it even worse, for our children and for us as well. When our teenager was a child, the goal was not to avoid pain in his life but to be a strong support whatever the situation.
Have a look at the great video by Cara Brotman, in which she explains how she taught her son that she would always be there for him, but never prevent pain nor resolve everything for him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmrQSQ1c6Ok
There is also a great French author named Michel Fize who wrote super interesting books about the dignity of teenagers.
Our teenagers need time to find who they are, to change, to try and to test things out.
9. Pragmatic advice to respect teenagers
The first piece of advice from the book is simply to share at least one meal a day with teenagers.
The second one is to practice active listening, which means first to listen without interrupting then to reformulate.
No humiliation nor mockeries of course. The brain is not made for pain nor humiliation. To be able to learn well, the brain need positive emotions and a lot of social interactions says the author of the book.
Lastly, three magnificent qualities to offer our teenagers are: “neutral information authentic experience, unconditional support”.
10. The best way to learn to say no
Of course it is impossible to be on our teenagers’ back all the time, checking everything they do and worrying all night about it. What is the solution? To teach them self-respect, because this is by being loved that we learn to love and by being respected that we learn to respect oneself and others.
I do not believe in spanking children mostly because this is not a way to teach them respect (I am guilty of having done it a few times when they were kids, to my regret).
Careful not to force things either. Parents who try to influence their teenagers have less influence than the ones who simply spend time with them, according to the author of the book.
The Forty Rules of Love is entitled in French Soufi my love (“Soufi mon amour“). This fascinating book is the story of love in various forms in the 13th century while a writer and a book reviewer fall in romantic love.
These rules are a guide for true and pure love. The story is absolutely compelling. I couldn’t put the book down.
Please find below my ten reasons why The fourty rules of love by Elif Shafak is such an amazing read:
1. How we think the world is how the world becomes
The forty rules of love is not a book about religion, however sufism permeates the whole book. This is very interesting and we can learn so much, whatever our religion and whatever religion it is.
The great Turkish woman author Elif Shafak says that “How we see God is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves.”
This idea can be found in quantum physics where the way we see the world eventually leads to the manifested circumstances of our life.
2. The heart must come first
I lived a very intellectual life before discovering meditation and yoga. I was all in my head, studying very well academically.
However, one piece was missing: the heart. I had built walls around my heart to avoid suffering. Therefore, I made terrible decisions, because I was out of touch with my intuition.
In her book, Elif Shafak writes: “The Path to the Truth is a labor of the heart, not of the head. Make your heart your primary guide! Not your mind. Meet, challenge, and ultimately prevail over your nafs [ego] with your heart. Knowing your self will lead you to the knowledge of God.”
I love how connecting to the heart is seen as a way to self-awareness. I should teach that to my children in some form.
3. Knowing what we cannot control
Submission is a very interesting term because it is abhorred in the West. However, we can shift our perspective to see it as the wisdom to know when we cannot change things. The goal is then to focus on the things we can change.
“Submission is a form of peaceful acceptance of the terms of the universe, including the things we are currently unable to change or comprehend” says Elif Shafak in her book The fourty rules of love.
4. Accepting the challenges to overcome them more swiftly
“God never burdens us with more than we can bear.” We can do this my friend my sister. We all have challenges. May we not compare but embrace difficulty as a way to grow.
Moreover, The fourty rules of love reads: “Behind all hardships was a larger scheme.” and “Every incident that happens, no matter how colossal or small, and every hardship that we endure is an aspect of a divine plan that works to that end“.
Keep the hope, keep the faith my friend my sister.
5. Not being afraid of solitude but keeping in mind that fully living is being with someone
Solitude enables us to recenter, to look back at our life and make better choices onwards. “But eventually it is best to find a person, the person who will be your mirror. Remember, only in another person’s heart can you truly see yourself and the presence of God within you.”
6. Welcoming changes
Learning to trust the unknown is a big thing for me. Whenever I feel uncomfortable, I now think of the beautiful things that await on the other side of the present moment.
Elif Shafak writes: “Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”
7. Purity, fasting and love
This morning I was talking to a dear friend about my fasting practice. I was explaining to him that coming to Istanbul was such a dream for me that I did a fast beforehand.
Fasting is a way for me to purify my body and my mind. I feel clearer.
However, I forgot this quote by Elif Shafak: “You can purify your body through abstinence and fasting, but only love will purify your heart.”
What can I say about that? Love feels so new to me. Love and purity. So interesting. Love is definitely a life changer, of this I am sure. Elif Shafak writes: “If we are the same person before and after we loved, that means we haven’t loved enough.”
Love is such a mystery that even words are not enough to talk about it and experience its taste: “Don’t ever take words at face value. When you step into the zone of love, language as we know it becomes obsolete. That which cannot be put into words can only be grasped through silence.”
What do you think my friend my sister?
8. We are one
You know me, I have said it again and again and it is the theme of one of my first videos: we are all humans. Borders mean absolutely nothing to me except administrative stress.
I believe we all belong to one family. So many authors write about this idea, each in a different way.
Elif Shafak says it beautifully: “everything and everyone in this universe is interconnected. We are not hundreds and thousands of different beings. We are all One.”
9. A plea for self-love
On this channel/website, we talk about self-love, self-respect and self-confidence. I do my best to provide you with practical tips on self-love.
Self-love is not a luxury but a necessity. Nothing good can come out of self-hate. I experienced it myself as I went down a spiral of despair and abuse. I encountered abuse in relationships only because I was abusing myself first.
The fourty rules of love reads that: “If you want to change the way others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself. Unless you learn to love yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way you can be loved.”
If you find yourself into a dark and sad place, you can always start anew this second: ““It is never too late to ask yourself, ‘Am I ready to change the life I am living? Am I ready to change within?’”
10. Where is love?
Love is such a mystery. However, the miracle lies within.
“Rumi says we don’t need to hunt for love outside ourselves. All we need to do is to eliminate the barriers inside that keep us away from love.”
Let’s finish on this beautiful idea: removing the barriers. From love, from abundance and from joy. I wish you the best my friend my sister.
The Fire of the Spirit is the force which the ego cannot resist. No excuses are valid for the fire of the spirit. Because our spirit holds a treasure: our innate manifesting power. The choice is ours. Whatever we think, we create in the world. Why read the book by Gregory Mutombo “Le feu de l’esprit“? Here are my 10 reasons and a great video with its powerful messages in case you cannot read French (because it is not yet translated).
1. Understanding that we are all one big family
2. Choosing the path of ease instead of strain
3. Leaving guilt behind us
4. What about when someone did hurt us? Becoming aware that the stone is already coming back to the one who threw it
5. For a spirit of abundance or when wealth does not prevent other people for getting it too
6. The harsh reality? or the harsh thoughts we manifest?
7. Love or fear? This is our choice
8. Our life, our responsibility
9. To be spiritual or not? For the end of spiritual hierarchy
I enjoyed interviewing Nathalie @mes_merveilleuses_fragilites on IG, author of a book to be released soon about her experience as a sophrologist to be in Tunisia.
We both share a deep love for this country, which we consider like a kind mother.
We also both experienced going back to studying as a way of rebuilding our life.
Last passion we share is minimalism, but happy freeing minimalism!
As regard to self-care, Nathalie grants meditation the power to make us feel at home wherever we are.
Home can be somewhere near the sea, even if it is not familiar (yet). We both attribute magical loving properties to the sea.
Our past can be difficult. However, Nathalie explained that once the harship is over, then we can understand the message it held for us.
Furthermore, plantbased and living foods were discussed as a way of practicing self-care. Clean nutrition is also a great way to feel energized and make the impossible possible.
Lastly, however strong people can judge us as regard to our accomplishments, we still need love. Always. In this regard, I was so touched when I heard Gabby Bernstein admits she still suffer sometimes in the video “Gabby Bernstein on CreativeLive | Chase Jarvis LIVE | ChaseJarvis“. We are all humans sister.
