Lise Bourbeau is the author of an amazing book Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self: Finally A Book That Explains Why It’s So Hard Being Yourself. Here are my ten reasons to read it now my friend my sister!
1. What are the five wounds of the soul?
As a child, we encountered experiences which were so painful that the only way to carry on functioning as (almost) normal within our family was to wear a mask.
There is a soul wound underneath each mask.
Thus the mask of the avoider is hiding the wound of rejection, the one of the dependent the wound of abandonment, of the masochist the wound of humiliation, of the controlling the wound of betrayal and of the rigid the wound of injustice.
2. Which faults?
The goal is not to blame others for our wounds, but to do the inner work on ourselves.
Lise Bourbeau writes: “We reproach others everything that we do ourselves and we do not want to see” (all translations mine). We tend to attract people who show us what we do to others or to ourselves.
I am responsible to have attracted an abuser because I was abusing myself my friend my sister, hardly sleeping at night, not honoring my body’s needs, damaging it with bulimia and never following my intuition (so red flags could have been any other color, I was not paying attention to them anyway).
3. Of various degrees of responsibility
If you are an empath my friend my sister, you carry the emotions and fears of others on your shoulders. Moreover, you feel responsible for their happiness.
However, such deep empathy is definitely not healthy.
I have been able to rebuild my life once I understood that my responsibility was not to fix everything.
4. How to heal our wounds?
Lise Bourbeau writes in her book Heal your wounds and find your true self:
“The first step to heal a wound is to acknowledge it and to ACCEPT it.“
By becoming aware of them. Accepting the wound does not mean to agree that it is present within us.
Accepting means understanding that wearing a mask helped us to survive within our family and environment.
Byron Katie is also an expert in accepting what is happening to us. I reviewed her book I Need Your Love – Is That True? : How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead in the video Thank you Byron Katie #book review “I need your love – is that true?”.
5. Ignoring the wound is not the easy way out
Our ego tries to convince us that it is easier to ignore the wound.
But life keeps putting us in situations which trigger it worse each time.
We need to remember that us wearing a mask has to do with a lack of self love.
6. Which parent is involved?
Lise Bourbeau explains that:
“[T]he parent with whom it seemed we got along the best with during our teenage years is the one with whom we have the most issues to deal with.“
I was surprised to discover this but it made sense. I thought the parent I had most difficulties with was my narcissistic mother (who I love anyway) but the abandonment wound has to do with my father.
Lise Bourbeau explains how each wound is related to one of our parent in her great book Heal your wounds and find your true self.
If you are a woman, rejection comes from our mother while abandonment from our father.
Humiliation is generated by the mother for both sexes.
Betrayal has to do with our father while injustice with our mother.
7. No blame nor despair just moving forward
The general tone of Lise Bourbeau’s book is very informative and light at the same time.
I love how she teaches us about deep stuff, wounding of the soul, without turning dramatic ever.
Quite the opposite. There is some freedom and empowerment to be gained by that book.
We do not have to feel victims of our parents. They were also wounded and the author herself admits she wounded her children, not on purpose of course.
I feel like hugging my parents, accepting them as they are, not blaming them for the mistakes they made and really taking a lighter step in life, knowing that any wound can be healed with awareness and conscious choices.
Lise Bourbeau writes:
“Acceptance is indeed the trigger to initiate healing.“
8. What is unconditional love?
The author of the book Heal your wounds and find your true self invites us to unconditionally love our wound.
She teaches us that:
“I remind you that unconditional love is to accept even if you do not agree and even if you do not understand the why of some situations”. and “True love is to experience being oneself”.
We can grow from our wounds. So empowering! For instance, I can learn that it is my job to never abandon myself anymore.
The person who suffers from rejection can learn to never put herself down while the one who suffers from injustice can work on not demanding too much of herself, not honoring her boundaries and drowning into stress.
9. Our reason to be on this Earth
Lise Bourbeau writes that our reason to be living this present life on Earth is to heal the very wound we suffer from. Our life purpose is to accept that we created a mask to protect us, but we do not need it anymore.
“To love and to accept a wound means to acknowledge it, to be aware that you came back on this earth to heal this kind of wound and to accept that your ego wanted to protect you by creating a mask.“
Let’s give yourselves the right to be revolted against the pain we endured. But let’s not stay there. This is only a step.
The path involves compassion, forgiving and becoming ourselves again, in full authenticity and vulnerability.
Self-love is when we accept life experiences as teaching us what is beneficial and intelligent for us.
Self-love has healing power. Self-love brings energy to our life.
10. The positive side of our wounds
The book Heal your wounds and find your true self ends on a positive note by listing all the qualities attributed to each wound or personality.
Lise Bourbeau indeed writes:
“By acknowledging the unique person that you are, you cannot help but represent an energizing inspiration source.“
The avoider has a great capacity to work in autonomy, she things of every details and does not need others at all costs.
The dependent perseveres in their action, is naturally enthusiastic and able to feel how others are really feeling to help them.
The masochist is adventurous, knows her needs and honors them and makes people feel comfortable.
The controlling is reassuring, great at public speaking and able to multi-task easily.
The rigid is very precise in her work, can explain things clearly and therefore teach well and does not need others to feel good.
What is your mask or your wound my friend my sister? I had the abandonment and the humiliation wounds. Now I am healing them with self-love!