Take control of your #time

Take control of your #time Claire Samuel

I am in charge of how I organize my day. I take full responsibility for making my best efforts to achieve my dreams. Moreover, I do my best to think positively about time. My mantra is that I have all the time I need. I aim to stay super organised. My work can help others so taking control of my time is not only a way to achieve success but also a responsibility to make the world a better place.

I have been very inspired by the energy and generosity of Brendon Burchard. He wrote High Performance Habits and The Motivation Manifesto. I decided to implement small habits that matters: for instance, I do check my emails only twice a day. I do not let people sending me emails take control of my time.

Brendon has an amazing YouTube channel here and I had the privilege to discover his work thanks to Marie Forleo’s interview of him.

Check out Brendon’s books:

high performance habits

and for good motivation:

the motivation manifesto

 

How to overcome perfectionism: did we do our best? #notperfect

How to overcome perfectionism: did we do our best? #notperfect Claire Samuel

May we learn to detach from the toxic ideal of perfectionism. When I was in second year of law, I started getting bad grades for the first time. I thought it meant that I was a bad student and law was not for me. Therefore, I dropped out of college, only because I was trapped into the perfectionism model. It is my wish for you that you live a beautiful life, without the burden of perfectionism.

So, may we read again the beautiful book “The four agreements“, may we dive deep into the Arielle Ford concept of wabi sabi (“Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships“) and may we listen the Carol Dweck’ talks at Google and Stanford. In this video, I also quote Ralph Smart from Infinite Waters.

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) - Claire Samuel

The book by Arielle Ford is:

Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships

#Bulimia is filling the void inside

#Bulimia is filling the void inside Claire Samuel

Bulimia is filling a void but it is a never-ending task. Like Sisyphe, it makes us try to achieve an impossible task: feeling loved by eating food. Actually, binge eating meant for me pushing down my emotions because I was not allowed to disagree or be angry when I was a child.

I came across this amazing interview of Teal Swan: “Feeding The Void”. The following topics are discussed: bulimia as an extreme form of self-hatred, being a child whose boundaries were never respected and being raised by a perfectionist parent.

Today I love raw food because I feel I do not have to restrict myself anymore. I can eat whatever I want, I can even feel very full and my belly can be nice and round after a meal. However, I stay healthy. Slowly, my raw food intake has been reduced.

I find that meditation is a big help as regard to bulimia. I made an 8-day meditation experiment and I keep doing daily meditation today.

I was very bulimic from around 14 to 24 years old and received great comfort from the helpful books written by Geneen Roth, notably:

 

Feeding the Hungry Heart: The Experience of Compulsive Eating

Thank You Geneen for sharing how you overcame bulimia.

Breaking Free from Emotional Eating

I am so grateful for these books.

When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy

Her last book about food is:

Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything

 

 

 

Going through pain and grief and coming out of it a better version of ourselves

Going through pain and grief and coming out of it a better version of ourselves - Claire Samuel

I got my degree as a business lawyer by going back to college, taking care of my two children alone. I received a one-word sms from my mother when I announced I graduated. I share my project of living abroad with my parents and I receive doubts, almost mockeries and lots of fear.

I do not have the time for this anymore. The opinion of others belongs to them. Why do I still feel attached to the judgement, mostly negative, of my parents, while so many people share their admiration for me, as well as love and support? I do not have the right to sabotage my life in such a way when I could instead help others by sharing my experience, whether it was positive (a blessing) or negative (a lesson). I do not have the right to fall in the downward spiral of negativity when I have two amazing children who do their best to understand and apply everything I teach them.

I choose to go in the eye of the storm of pain and grief. My mum also tried to seek for her parents’ approval, for her whole life but to not avail. She has the extraordinary blessing of having my dad’s support, love and integrity. However, she does not seem to make the most of it and savor it, because she is so preoccupied with the past, what she wanted to receive from her parents but never had. This has to be a lesson for me.

If I am still single after all these years, it is because I need to cleanse myself from all this grief, in order to make savor the presence of a worthy man in my life. So, today, I choose differently. I choose to focus on my projects and my work. I do not have time to believe some of my thoughts which are “you need to gain your parents’ approval to feel good about yourself”. I see pictures of me when I was a kid and feel like giving this little girl a big warm hug. This little girl was so generous and kind, and she tried, to no avail, to please her mother.

How to go back to college while working full-time? My 6 helpful tips

How to go back to college while working full-time? My 6 helpful tips Claire Samuel

One viewer kindly asked me for advice as regard to going back to college while working full-time. He described to me his current situation so I could answer better. Please find below my six really helpful tips for you if you can relate, and for him.

  1. Plan each day because each minute counts: you say you work 38 hours per week from 830am to 430pm, then you have classes from 7pm to 9pm, and on Saturdays they are from 10 am to 2pm. Thus, make a list of all the tasks you are going to do each day on top of studying: calling the insurance, doing grocery shopping, cleaning the flat, calling this friend and so on. It will save time and the next day you will not even have to thing about what to do next.
  2. Keep your final goal in mind but focus on the intermediate steps: the important thing is not to get overwhelmed by the length of your training; personally, it took me 4 years to get my lawyer diploma and you tell me that your training will last 5 years. Life is short and sweet and deserves to be celebrated. Cherish each intermediate steps along the way, like getting a good grade. Remember to be happy and enjoy life, even if you are studying at the moment, because it is ever so precious.
  3. Be flexible yet strong as regard to the other people within your class as they may not be the same age: I was 33 years old when I went back to college and was surrounded by 23-year-olds. This was so enjoyable and fun as I made the choice to adjust and adapt to it. However, for some reason I spent one year in a very competitive and stern environment, during my second year of masters. I felt very lonely this whole year. Be prepared for this possibility while keeping in mind that each year can bring new students and therefore be different.
  4. You tell me that you are not very well surrounded as regard to link-minded people who go back to college or have the will to overcome a personal change in their life. This point is critical as you need to be surrounded by inspiring and positive people. It can entail letting go of people who do not serve you and you may experience a period of loneliness as a result. Do not let it put you down. You will eventually attract the right people if you stay focused on changing your life one class/course at a time. It is very brave to go back to college. You deserve people who lift you up, who you admire and who inspire you to keep going. Personally, I chose to distance myself from people who chose to always behave as victims of circumstances. In doing so, I made room for new people to enter my life. Hence, I attracted two fellow students, both mothers as well. We shared tips, advice and laughter along the way. One of them is now a lawyer and the other one has become a judge. It is very well-known that together we are stronger.
  5. Exercise, exercise and exercise. Even if it is 10 minutes a day, let’s not skip that one because it makes our brain more oxygenated and better functioning. Make the most of the Internet by watching (and doing) exercise videos. I personally exercise daily at home, thanks to yoga videos, because I want to save valuable time.
  6. You say: “The most difficult thing is loneliness“. As regard to friends and socializing, I totally get it that you cannot enjoy your friends more than two hours a week. My friend, this is good. When I went back to college, I only saw my best friends every six months. Let’s keep in mind that studying is temporary. It is alright to have seasons within our life. Sometimes we can socialize more and other times we prioritize our career by going after a new diploma. Moreover, you may find helpful contacts by using the intranet set up by your university. Generally, the Internet can provide platforms to share between like-minded people. Even if this is not “real life”, it can still be motivating friendship during these special studying years.

I wish you the best. You can be so proud of yourself for having taken the decision to go back to college while working full-time. I honor you and acknowledge how amazing you are.

How to go beyond hate and choose #forgiveness

How to go beyond #hate and choose #forgiveness Claire Samuel

Going to the end of the path which leads to forgiveness is being able to visualize the perpetrator surrounded by all the things he loves, happy and smiling. My friend, my sister, choose love and good, do not engage in hate. You are worth so much more than this. You deserve to be free.

Good #mother or bad mother? Letting go of other people’s judgements

Good #mother or bad mother? Letting go of other people’s judgements - Claire Samuel

I had escaped abuse about a year ago. I was living in a tiny studio flat with my two children. I was working full-time and a single mother. The children were fighting a lot, and I was overstressed, alone and fearful. I was going through horrible legal proceedings. I was exhausted. I felt my whole body was bleeding pain. I sent a SMS to someone who I trusted because I was angry at my daughter for some stupid reason and needed an adult ear to ease the pain. Instead, this person made up her mind about my mothering skills. Since that day, I was the bad mother. Each time I have to talk to this person, she acts as if I was a danger to my own daughter, not taking care of her in the right way. It still affects me after all these years. I trusted this person. I loved her so much. I have never been able to get any appreciation in her eyes. I was a bad child and I am now a bad mother.

The pain is raw. The pain is here. I go back to bulimia and I cannot stop the tears. I love my daughter more than anything else. Why do I even need to say this? How come I feel I have to justify myself again? I have to learn to cut the cords which attach me to this person. She is not living with me. It is my decision to invite her into my mind or to leave her where she is, all judgmental and harsh. I was never enough for her. I have to accept it. And move on.