When #friendship and #love get enmeshed or the possibility of clear #relationships

When #friendship and #love get enmeshed or the possibility of clear #relationships

I am lucky to get crystal clear feelings with people at first sight. Men for instance. Either they directly enter the friends category (for life sometimes), either they belong to the friends category with a potential for love.

For instance I have been a friend of O. for ever. He is my brother, he knew me when I was wearing flowery shirts and big glasses at 15 years old, I can talk to him about everything and so can he. The relationship has never been ambiguous.

On the opposite, I knew A. from the last year of middle school. We spent our teenage years together as friends. He has always been there for me, when the teachers of my children made me crazy, when I was all alone to move with the children from one flat to the next.

A. has always been in the category friends for life. It has always been clear for me. I never had any physical attraction for him.

However I could feel it was not the same for him. I felt bad to see him love me with romantic love while I had only friendship to give him. So one day I said to him I cannot hurt you anymore like that. I said I wanted him to find a woman to live with.

I did not want to be the cause of his sadness. I distanced myself from him out of respect and concern for him. I like clear and happy relationships with people.

Another man, another story. Sometimes I am happy with being friends with someone while I can feel there could be more. When I met L. we were so different that I could not imagine we could be together one day.

Then I sadly fell into an inferiority complex where I admired him so much that I thought he would never have any interest in me. The one day on a bench at the park he said to me he would love to be in a relationship with me. I was so shocked I could not utter a word in reply.

I said to him once that I could only be in a relationship with a man who had read my book and he replied “This is a good thing I read it then!“. So my attitude changed. And I feel so in love with him. However it was not reciprocal or so it seemed so the relationship was short-lived.

The thing is, I cannot go back to the initial friendship, it hurts too much not to be allowed to love him anymore. Our friendship had so much love in it that it cannot go back in time. What is the most painful is that I have to mourn the loss of a man I was sincerely in love with, but I also have to mourn the loss of a dear friend who was naturally part of my life. Today there is a big hole in my life without him.

My friend my sister, I don’t think we must never fall in love with one of our friends. Quite the opposite, I was so happy I already knew him as a friend. Simply let’s be aware that grieving will be twice as painful.

 

 

 

To take advantage of life but not people or the consequences of lies beyond moral judgement

To take advantage of life but not people or the consequences of lies beyond moral judgement

I am the first to say to people I love: “Enjoy! Make the most of it!

Make the most out of this delicious meal, this beautiful moment, this success or life as a whole.

Nevertheless, as I explain to my French students, the French verb “profiter” or making the most out of something has another meaning: taking advantage of someone or a situation.

I met a landlord, a very kind and generous man. However, his rents his properties only in the summer, leaving them empty 9 months of the year. Why? To avoid tenants who don’t pay and cannot be evicted.

Some chose to take advantage of the French law which is very protective for tenants. The consequence is the impossibility for many people in France to rent anything.

If this police officer does not believe me when I list the reasons why I need a Protective Order, this is because some people in famous legal cases lied to police officers notably to get revenge from their ex. The consequence? Each day women are murdered by their ex partner.

Beyond morality, beyond any judgement, beyond values, taking advantage of people or of anything brings consequences. Action then consequence.

I choose my own law and set of rules as the philosopher Emmanuel Kant would say. The reason? I want to be crystal clear on the consequences of my actions on myself and others, those I know and those I don’t know.

Responsibility. Plain and simple.

How was July 2019 or #myownmonth

How was July 2019 or #myownmonth

In July, I settled into my new environment, familiar because I am in France and new because I have never lived in the South of France.

Heart

In regards to heart matters, I am getting over the heartbreak. I am so happy to succeed in overcoming this challenge. I remain a bit frustrated because when I was with this man I was really at my worst. I regret not giving him my best. At the same time, if we were not destined to be together, what’s the point of being frustrated about that if not because of my ego?

Work

In regards to work, I am creating my own company, using the company Dougs to register it and do the accounting.

I am not in holidays but I love what I do so much that even if this is tiring, it does not feel like pain (latin meaning of the French word work: travail from tripalium).

The question asked by Justine, the French blogger who originated this challenge (more here) is:

What is your best strength?

My best strength is my intensity.

If this is something that some people consider a shortcoming, I confess that I love it.

This intensity was the thing that precisely allowed me to go back to college and become a lawyer while being a single mother of two with parents living far from me and not very close to me anyway.

This intensity was the thing that precisely made me love the men I loved with each cell of my heart and my body. If the love was not always reciprocal, it does not hinder the happiness of having sincere feelings for a man.

The photo of the month is a little spot in Marseille, before Pharo gardens, which I love.

How was July 2019 or #myownmonth

 

 

I feel I want to give everything up! is being #thin a cure-all?

I feel I want to give everything up! is being #thin a cure-all?

Sometimes I feel so stupid. I cannot understand why I was lied to like that.

Sometimes I feel I failed at motherhood. I gave it my all but my children are not happy.

When I was fat, I thought being thin would cure all my problems.

Being thin does not prevent me from being left by a man I loved.

Being a thin mother does not make me better at all.

Our external body is an illusion. What matters in the end is the size of our heart and the sincerity of our words.

 

 

 

Taking #risks for the sake of our #happiness

Taking #risks for the sake of our #happiness

I was called to go and live in the south of France. However, I thought it would be impossible for me to rent a place, because I do not fit into the required boxes (earning 3 times the rent, having the three last payslips).

So I gave up. I moved to Africa, which was a fantastic experience but still a detour.

Recently I moved to the south of France because I had to go back to France anyway.

I discovered that miracles exist. I rented a flat. I feel so happy. I love the south. I feel at home. I can build my life, eventually taking risks for my happiness.

 

Being #wealthy and comfortable or #free to choose?

Being #wealthy and comfortable or #free to choose?

I was immensely lucky to be around people from various backgrounds, some very wealthy and others on the contrary quite underprivileged.

It gave me such an open-mind and helped me to make the difference between wealth and freedom.

To live in the comfort of luxury but without the freedom to choose the person we want to marry for instance seems like total failure to me.

I know that I am at the beginning of my entrepreneurial adventure so consequently I am not financially where I want to be yet. However, I have in my life a value worth everything: freedom.

The freedom to choose, the bravery of being willing to disappoint people without feeling guilty, because at the end of the day, what our parents or others impose on us is eventually so we are happy, isn’t it?

So I choose to temporarily disappoint to prove that my joy was worth it, to prove that by choosing the path which brings me passion and enthusiasm I can also attract wealth.

 

 

My love for my #mother-in-law to be or an ode to #mothersinlaw

My love for my #mother-in-law to be or an ode to #mothersinlaw

When I saw her for the first time, I knew I loved her. Us not speaking a common language was not even a problem.

Later, I am sure she could feel how I was in love with her son, sincerely and completely.

She will never be my mother-in-law eventually, but it would have been great. I wanted to take care of her, to give her massages, to let her breathe a bit and take time for herself while drinking my green smoothies with chocolate.

I even dreamed of her being present at the birth of the child I could have had with her son.

Mothers-in-law have such a bad rap. I love my mother-in-law to be, even if I don’t know her yet. I send good vibes to her already.