I am lucky to get crystal clear feelings with people at first sight. Men for instance. Either they directly enter the friends category (for life sometimes), either they belong to the friends category with a potential for love.
For instance I have been a friend of O. for ever. He is my brother, he knew me when I was wearing flowery shirts and big glasses at 15 years old, I can talk to him about everything and so can he. The relationship has never been ambiguous.
On the opposite, I knew A. from the last year of middle school. We spent our teenage years together as friends. He has always been there for me, when the teachers of my children made me crazy, when I was all alone to move with the children from one flat to the next.
A. has always been in the category friends for life. It has always been clear for me. I never had any physical attraction for him.
However I could feel it was not the same for him. I felt bad to see him love me with romantic love while I had only friendship to give him. So one day I said to him I cannot hurt you anymore like that. I said I wanted him to find a woman to live with.
I did not want to be the cause of his sadness. I distanced myself from him out of respect and concern for him. I like clear and happy relationships with people.
Another man, another story. Sometimes I am happy with being friends with someone while I can feel there could be more. When I met L. we were so different that I could not imagine we could be together one day.
Then I sadly fell into an inferiority complex where I admired him so much that I thought he would never have any interest in me. The one day on a bench at the park he said to me he would love to be in a relationship with me. I was so shocked I could not utter a word in reply.
I said to him once that I could only be in a relationship with a man who had read my book and he replied “This is a good thing I read it then!“. So my attitude changed. And I feel so in love with him. However it was not reciprocal or so it seemed so the relationship was short-lived.
The thing is, I cannot go back to the initial friendship, it hurts too much not to be allowed to love him anymore. Our friendship had so much love in it that it cannot go back in time. What is the most painful is that I have to mourn the loss of a man I was sincerely in love with, but I also have to mourn the loss of a dear friend who was naturally part of my life. Today there is a big hole in my life without him.
My friend my sister, I don’t think we must never fall in love with one of our friends. Quite the opposite, I was so happy I already knew him as a friend. Simply let’s be aware that grieving will be twice as painful.