We feel like we know ourselves so well because we have been friends for what seems like an eternity and it is so simple and natural when we are together.
I know people like that. Some people who are my friends since we are fourteen years old.
However, if I enter a romantic relationship with one of my friends, everything will be different and in a way, we need to start over, getting to know ourselves as if we were meeting for the first time.
Why am I telling you this my friend my sister? Because I feel I went too fast with some men I loved, assuming I already knew themselves anyway. I do regret it because it kind of accelerated the end of the relationship.
My friend my sister, I have no judgement toward this, but a ton of compassion to send to you if like me you experienced the lost of two persons at the same time at the end of a beautiful love story.
It is so beautiful to fall in love to our best friend. Nevertheless, it is difficult to act as if nothing happened and go back to the neutral land of friendship after you have truly loved the man.
You are not alone. I feel you and it also happened to me my friend my sister.
Because love is sometimes so complicated even though I love simplicity.
Because these men who abandoned me loved me nevertheless. I am only speaking about love here of course, not about the two abusive relationships I was trapped into as described in my book The Knot in the Spiral.
Because this is so much easier to be single rather than risking loving a man who could leave me.
Because when he said he loved me I laughed inside, not believing him. However it may have been the truth, even if he was incapable of making a space for me into his life.
Because if he left me because his father judged me not good enough for his son with my two children, he maybe tried to take my side.
Because the only way to overcome my fear is to experience a new relationship with all its uncertainty, even if I am moved to my core, even if realizing all of this makes me have bulimia again.
Because complexity is inherent to human relationships and maybe this is precisely what gives them this magical taste, this one in a million chance, this feeling of eternity married to the ephemeral nature of everything which is alive.
Going to live at the other end of the world out of love? I almost did it twice in my life and I guess it would have made me very happy indeed.
However, may we always keep intact our values and what really matters in our life my friend my sister.
Love is wonderful but cannot justify everything.
Balance is key here, feeling good and safe, having our intuition at our side and not giving away all of our personal power to the other person in the name of love.
I was so worried about loosing him. It ruined the relationship. It made me change my natural behavior. It turned my spontaneity and joy into anxiety.
Next time I am in love I will be open to the man I am with. I will say to him that I am so happy and that the relationship is so valuable to me that I am afraid of loosing him.
I don’t care if I seem weak. At least I will be honest.
As the French clairvoyant Franck Lopvet says, if a man cannot hear about our vulnerability, he does not deserve to be in our bed 😉
I realize why I fell in love with cold men, who for instance would not hold my hand in the street.
Because cold men are not showering you with compliments, they are not trying to make you do things you do not want by making you believe stupid things (for eg, that they love you when it’s not the case at all) and they have no desire to manipulate you.
So some of us feel safer with cold men. You can love cold men ; they are great and honest. But your love life can change if you feel you need more passion and heat. We can trust ourselves to have discernment my friend my sister. We can receive love in the form of tender warmth and sincere compliments.
Esther Perel is the queen of love, relationships and eroticism.
Her five little questions are a game changer when it comes to getting over an ex after the breakup.
You can totally ignore my personal answers my friend my sister. As always, the aim is to remind you that you are not alone if you grieve a romantic relationship.
So let’s mend our bruised heart with Esther Perel amazing questions below:
1. What do you take with you from this relationship?
First, he taught me that I need to treat myself more.
Second, I learned that I shall be more daring and talk about my feelings.
2. What are the things that make you smile about that relationship?
I smile when I remember how interesting it was to chat together. Furthermore, I cherish the feeling of being at ease with him and being able to say everything to him, all the truth and always.
3. What are the things you wish you had done differently?
I wish I had a conversation with him about relationships goals before getting involved.
4. What do you want your ex to take away with him from you?
I would like him to remember that some women are vulnerable and need protection. I definitely did.
5. How do you want to be remembered?
I want to be remembered as the woman who loved him so deeply and sincerely that I did not want to change one bit about him.
He was not perfect but nor am I so this was a good match 😉
I really wish him the very best and I care about him very much. This is how I want to be remembered.
I was in a weird mood, not totally depressed but not very enthusiastic either.
The result? I looked at my feet when I walked, head down all day long, trying to avoid life.
Twice it happened to me: I had around me a great man but I could not see him.
Because of this f****** sadness which sticks to my bones sometimes. Also because of work which tends to invade my life as a single mother, with already so much time for myself.
It pains me to say this but the truth is, I had no time available for the man I loved. I did not take the time to look at him, while he was there.
Of course, when I got it time became of the essence and I fell head over heels for him. But it was too late. The relationship becomes impossible.
One question remains: why waste all this time? Why did I not see him while he was there?
Now I am crying over my lost love but I decide to never again keep my head down when I walk.
I want my eyes wide open for the beauty surrounding me.
I want to move forward with confidence, knowing there is a great man around me who will love me, which I will be able to love, which will not leave for the other side of the world, nor me.
