I love how Francesco Alberoni, in his book “Je t’aime” (French edition), describes this point of non-return within loving attachment. Nothing is ever the same afterwards. This is why I am very cautious now when I feel I could fall in love with someone. I know that I cannot be true love if I hardly know the person.
I love watching Marie Forleo videos on youtube and she has an amazing message about rejection. She explains that “Each rejection brings you closer to success” (check out her Instagram account @marieforleo). It is true that many famous writers were rejected first. I totally get it and I teach to my children every day that, in life, one should never ever give up.
Today, I wonder if the same can be applied to romantic love. I used to be unable to handle rejection. The first time a man rejected me by not being available despite his words, I tried to commit suicide. With each rejection by men, I got better. A few years ago, I thought I would die when a man I loved left the country. Nevertheless, I chose to act differently this time. I turned on an amazing yoga video by Adriene called “Yoga For a Broken Heart – Unconditional Love“. I did it crying. I did it every day for a week. I felt transformed. The pain became bearable.
Recently, I met a man and thought there was a connection between us. He said he would keep in touch with me, but he didn’t. However, I am not falling to the ground in pain. I decide to shift my perspective. I wonder if the reason he is not writing to me is that he realized that his intentions were not very healthy and that he does not want to hurt me. Because he had quite deep conversations. Once again, being rejected does not mean that there was no love, it means that the other person is not ready nor good for us at this time. I feel like blessing him. I choose to take his rejection as an act of love and protection.
I am confronted to a choice: either fall into the nice arms of a kind man now, or remain on a path of purity while waiting to meet a truly available worthy man. Indeed, I could feel my heart beat faster here in Djerba, Tunisia. However, being in love with someone here cannot lead to a long-term project because we will not be in the same country. Moreover, I got the confirmation than age is of no importance. What matters if how far we are on the path of life, what experiences we had, how we gained self-awareness. Life makes us discover who we truly are when we have joy and sorrow. Life makes us become aware of our core values, of our dreams and our mission on this earth. I feel that the Tunisian man for who my heart beat much faster these past days has not truly discovered yet who he is and who he wants to become. Yet staying on the path of solitude requires effort. I choose to remain on a lonely path to attract a man with whom I can build something. I am convinced that it is the best way to happiness and a healthy loving relationship. My friend, my sister, I will keep in touch about the evolution of my situation to find out if this the aforementioned statements are true.
The deadly weapon of narcissistic men and abusers of all kind is denial. They attack when we least expect it, they hurt and damage us. Then, when it is so hurtful we stand in stupor in front of them, they deny reality. Pure denial. What happened did not happen and affirming it has means we are crazy. The perpetrator with whom I lived also used a variation of denial which is minimization. If I had the courage to speak against his violent behavior, he would call me a hysterical woman. Once again and as always, my friend, my sister, may we trust our intuition.
I love Byron Katie so much. I cherish her book “I Need Your Love – Is That True? : How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead“.
Her technique, called The Work, is explained on her website.
I also used the book “Tiger-Tiger is it True?: Four Questions to Make You Smile Again” to introduce my children to questioning their thoughts.
You were not available when I met you. I did not know it. Or maybe I felt it but I did not want to believe it because you were like angels. Actually you have been guardian angels in my life and still are today.
One of you helped me to get a master’s degree and boost my career. The other helped me to pursue my dream of sharing with the world my experience, how I overcame abuse, in a book. You wrote to me “There is a bright future ahead of you“. You made it happen for me. By your presence in my life, however short, you made me better and stronger.
I love you, thank you. I promise I will listen to my intuition from now on and refrain from falling in love with unavailable men. Love needs to be experienced. Enough with dreaming.
My friend, my sister, I admit it. Letting go of an unavailable man is one of the hardest things. Letting him go from our heart as well as our mind. May we keep hope, trust and the desire to create. Love, Claire
I met N. in 2012 when I was in the aftermath of abuse. I was recovering from it and he was the first non abusive man I was meeting. Sadly, I ended the relationship then. However, it was a good thing: I was following my integrity. Today I see him with new eyes. He changed and I changed. I give my love for him to the universe, not knowing the issue and letting go. I feel blessed to feel love for a man of such value.
