I love tackling the root cause of any issue I encounter. As regard to weight gain, I have the feeling that I got heavier as I had to deal with too many things at the same time and by myself.
When I was a teenager, I gained a massive amount of weight because I felt isolated, rejected and simply hated by other girls. Becoming fat was a protection.
Once we have identified the reason we gained the weight, we can heal ourselves. Only after this first necessary step can we tackle the physical.
I feel we really need to feel lighter in our mind and heart before our body can also become lighter my friend my sister.
I love how Francesco Alberoni, in his book “Je t’aime” (French edition), describes this point of non-return within loving attachment. Nothing is ever the same afterwards. This is why I am very cautious now when I feel I could fall in love with someone. I know that I cannot be true love if I hardly know the person.
I love watching Marie Forleo videos on youtube and she has an amazing message about rejection. She explains that “Each rejection brings you closer to success” (check out her Instagram account @marieforleo). It is true that many famous writers were rejected first. I totally get it and I teach to my children every day that, in life, one should never ever give up.
Today, I wonder if the same can be applied to romantic love. I used to be unable to handle rejection. The first time a man rejected me by not being available despite his words, I tried to commit suicide. With each rejection by men, I got better. A few years ago, I thought I would die when a man I loved left the country. Nevertheless, I chose to act differently this time. I turned on an amazing yoga video by Adriene called “Yoga For a Broken Heart – Unconditional Love“. I did it crying. I did it every day for a week. I felt transformed. The pain became bearable.
Recently, I met a man and thought there was a connection between us. He said he would keep in touch with me, but he didn’t. However, I am not falling to the ground in pain. I decide to shift my perspective. I wonder if the reason he is not writing to me is that he realized that his intentions were not very healthy and that he does not want to hurt me. Because he had quite deep conversations. Once again, being rejected does not mean that there was no love, it means that the other person is not ready nor good for us at this time. I feel like blessing him. I choose to take his rejection as an act of love and protection.
The deadly weapon of narcissistic men and abusers of all kind is denial. They attack when we least expect it, they hurt and damage us. Then, when it is so hurtful we stand in stupor in front of them, they deny reality. Pure denial. What happened did not happen and affirming it has means we are crazy. The perpetrator with whom I lived also used a variation of denial which is minimization. If I had the courage to speak against his violent behavior, he would call me a hysterical woman. Once again and as always, my friend, my sister, may we trust our intuition.
May we stop trying to be the woman we thing our man wants. May we start being ourselves instead. May we be only two in a relationship, not four. To authenticity. To integrity. To love.
The mastery of love, A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book by Don Miguel Ruiz is an amazing book that I read several times.