I love how Francesco Alberoni, in his book “Je t’aime” (French edition), describes this point of non-return within loving attachment. Nothing is ever the same afterwards. This is why I am very cautious now when I feel I could fall in love with someone. I know that I cannot be true love if I hardly know the person.
I love watching Marie Forleo videos on youtube and she has an amazing message about rejection. She explains that “Each rejection brings you closer to success” (check out her Instagram account @marieforleo). It is true that many famous writers were rejected first. I totally get it and I teach to my children every day that, in life, one should never ever give up.
Today, I wonder if the same can be applied to romantic love. I used to be unable to handle rejection. The first time a man rejected me by not being available despite his words, I tried to commit suicide. With each rejection by men, I got better. A few years ago, I thought I would die when a man I loved left the country. Nevertheless, I chose to act differently this time. I turned on an amazing yoga video by Adriene called “Yoga For a Broken Heart – Unconditional Love“. I did it crying. I did it every day for a week. I felt transformed. The pain became bearable.
Recently, I met a man and thought there was a connection between us. He said he would keep in touch with me, but he didn’t. However, I am not falling to the ground in pain. I decide to shift my perspective. I wonder if the reason he is not writing to me is that he realized that his intentions were not very healthy and that he does not want to hurt me. Because he had quite deep conversations. Once again, being rejected does not mean that there was no love, it means that the other person is not ready nor good for us at this time. I feel like blessing him. I choose to take his rejection as an act of love and protection.
The deadly weapon of narcissistic men and abusers of all kind is denial. They attack when we least expect it, they hurt and damage us. Then, when it is so hurtful we stand in stupor in front of them, they deny reality. Pure denial. What happened did not happen and affirming it has means we are crazy. The perpetrator with whom I lived also used a variation of denial which is minimization. If I had the courage to speak against his violent behavior, he would call me a hysterical woman. Once again and as always, my friend, my sister, may we trust our intuition.
May we stop trying to be the woman we thing our man wants. May we start being ourselves instead. May we be only two in a relationship, not four. To authenticity. To integrity. To love.
The mastery of love, A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book by Don Miguel Ruiz is an amazing book that I read several times.
You were not available when I met you. I did not know it. Or maybe I felt it but I did not want to believe it because you were like angels. Actually you have been guardian angels in my life and still are today.
One of you helped me to get a master’s degree and boost my career. The other helped me to pursue my dream of sharing with the world my experience, how I overcame abuse, in a book. You wrote to me “There is a bright future ahead of you“. You made it happen for me. By your presence in my life, however short, you made me better and stronger.
I love you, thank you. I promise I will listen to my intuition from now on and refrain from falling in love with unavailable men. Love needs to be experienced. Enough with dreaming.