Thank you dear L. for reaching out to me with your question. I understand you are 25 years old and back to college. You feel overwhelmed and discouraged. I am here to help and share my experience. I went back to college at 33 years old. Like you, I had to let go of my ex, who stayed in my mind for so long. Like you, I felt tired and discouraged. I have three excellent tips for you in this video. Lots of love, Claire
The deadly weapon of narcissistic men and abusers of all kind is denial. They attack when we least expect it, they hurt and damage us. Then, when it is so hurtful we stand in stupor in front of them, they deny reality. Pure denial. What happened did not happen and affirming it has means we are crazy. The perpetrator with whom I lived also used a variation of denial which is minimization. If I had the courage to speak against his violent behavior, he would call me a hysterical woman. Once again and as always, my friend, my sister, may we trust our intuition.
In some countries, a note from the doctor listing the wounds is mandatory to file a complaint against an abuser. It is evolving. Hence, violence sometimes does not leave any marks. Does that mean, as a consequence, that emotional and/or psychological abuse and violence are less than physical violence? Not so sure. Quite the contrary, because the last one cannot occur without the first one. Moreover, some think that emotional abuse is worse because, on one hand, it does not show on the victim’s body and, on the one hand, it traps the woman into an invisible prison from which it is very difficult to leave, if an exit is even possible. Such a paradox is a reason for writing my book, which I am translating into English at the moment (November 2017). If you read French, it is already published. My aim is to demonstrate that violence, in any form, can kill.
It is this little store on a tiny Cabo Verde island, lost in the immensity of the Atlantic ocean, who left his Belgium and its bad weather. It is this Englishman who decided to trade living in one of the most industrialised cities of the United Kingdom for giving fishing lessons to the tourists of Cabo Verde. It is this man from Denmark, who married a woman on Sal Island and opened a fish spa (do you know these tiny little fishes who happily eat the dead cells on our feet?).
Lastly, it is me who quit a prestigious law firm to serve you my friend, my sister. After all, this is my second jump into the unknown. The first one happened many years ago, when I was working in a comfortable yet sad job. However, I left it to finish my degree, after a gap of ten years. For four years, I worked day and night to finally get a lawyer degree.
Jumping into the unknown, with intelligence and preparation, brings many gifts; the first one being self confidence.
My friend, my sister, giving birth can be an empowering event. The secret is doing our research beforehand. I studied and did the exercises recommended by Pam England in her book Birthing from Within, when pregnant with my first baby. It really helped. Giving birth is what we decide to make it. Do it for your body. Do it for your baby.
My friend, my sister, I am with you if you feel damaged, dirty or even disgusting after the abuse. However, there lies inside of you a pristine place, which nothing nor anybody can reach from the outside. I am sharing in this video a meditation and food for thoughts about such a magical place. Thanks to this pristine place, we can draw support and strength and rebuild our life, surrounded by the absolute purity we are.
My friend, my sister, one of the best way to prevent abuse, notably sexual, towards our daughters and ourselves is to put words on sexuality. Keeping the subject like a taboo can be dangerous. After centuries of tentative to submit women, time has come to take back the control over our own body. Therefore, we will enter into deeper and more fulfilling relationships with men, based upon mutual respect and admiration.
If you read French, I recommend the book written by the OB-GYN Danièle Flaumenbaum called “Femme désirée, femme désirante” which translates into Desired woman, desiring woman.